X-Men Forever 2 by Chris Claremont issue #6-8 (2010)

 

Yeeeeah, okay...NO. Just, NO.

This is definitely the moment in the series where I was seriously considering rage-quitting my way out. However, I made a commitment and I intend to honor the commitment no matter what even if I'm becoming miserable about it in the long run. I survived reading and reviewing Tony S. Daniel's first twelve issues of New 52's Detective Comics after all (AND WE ALL KNOW THAT'S COLLECTIVELY AND INDISPUTABLY SHITE), as well as the first volume of The Dark Knight by Paul Jenkins (WHICH IS SO BIZZARELY DISJOINTED) But reading XMF issues #6-8 last night was really pushing it too far. I have never been so disengaged while reading something (at least with Daniel's DC, I was actively hating it). Here are my Goodreads progress updates for the second volume of XMF:

• "One would assume that the X-Men's notorious bad luck has changed. One would be very, very wrong." THANKS FOR THE FUCKING HEADS-UP, CLAREMONT. WE NEED MORE WARNING LABELS ABOUT XMF LIKE THIS ONE, JESUS LOKI!
• UGHHHH. NO MAGNETO. NO PRFESSOR X. MR. SINISTER AND THE MARAUDERS ARE THE VILLAINS OF THE WEEK. SOMETHING ABOUT NATE SUMMERS AND THE BURNOUT CURE. FUCKING STORM STILL IN WAKANDA, BEING A CUNT OF ALL CUNTS. LOGAN'S JAPANESE EX-GF WANTS TO MAKE JEAN SUFFER. TOO MANY CHARACTER CAMEOS FOR SHIT! I'M ALMOST CLOSE TO RAGE-QUITTING THIS SERIES, GUYS!
• The thing that really gets to me about the XMF series as a whole is that there are great character moments I actually look forward to and get emotional about. But this second season is suddenly a mess upon a heap of messes and a pile of bullshit. Everything is happening so fast. There are so many mutants running around fighting each other, half of them I don't readily recognize. The direction this series has taken in these three issues alone depresses me greatly.

Look, I'm usually a sweet slice of cherry pie whenever I review my comics. Like Abed Nadir of NBC's Community, "I like liking things." This is why I avoid sharing negative thoughts and in the rare occasions that I do, I try to remain as constructive as possible in my criticisms. But as I type this review, I wonder if I should even bother discussing what happened in the three issues because there's a tiny, screaming voice in my head is refusing to accomplish just that without going berserk and making the very same face Kristin Wiig is doing in that .GIF image above. So I won't discuss. I'll just tell you as short as possible and focus on the GOOD THINGS that did happen in the background.

To be objective about it, the main plot for issues #6-8 wasn't that bad. I wish it was the "so bad it's good" kind of flop but it's not even that. From what I can understand, in the future, a boy named Nathan (who is possibly Nate Summers) is leading the Consortium as he finds a way to travel back in time to abduct his younger self or something. All this ties back to the cure for the Mutant Burnout, a threat so prevalent and yet so underwhelming and vaguely delivered since it was revealed in issue #5 last season. So Nathan employs the Marauders, who work for Mister Sinister, to obtain young Nate. The boy luckily escapes through his babysitter's help. Her name is Robyn but she was later revealed to be a spy that future Nathan placed in the Summers household to gain their trust. The Marauders started using clones of Sabretooth and, insensitively so, Logan's. When Kitty gets stabbed in the stomach by the Dark Wolverine, things got very interesting. HOWEVER we don't focus on this but rather on the dizzying ensemble of characters fighting in the majority of the pages for all three issues. AND I COULDN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT IT because I think the Kitty-Wolverine subplot was far more engaging.

I don't even think Mr. Sinister actually makes an appearance in this story which is sad because I like the fashionable and obviously omnisexual Sinister, mostly because of his participation in the shippy awesomeness that is the Savage Land storyline as adapted by the nineties cartoons where he forcefully took Professor X and Magneto so the two can have the most awkward and ridiculous outdoors date while being attacked by random jungle men and women as well as dinosaurs. Later on, he ties them up against the wall with chains and flirts with them, making rather transparent comments about the state of unresolved sexual tension between Prof X and Mags before he electrocutes them. IT'S SO SHAMELESSLY GAY. At least that's how I remember it. Don't fucking dispute it, assholes. I HAVEN'T MADE A SINGLE CHERIK REFERENCE IN MY REVIEWS FOR XMF FOR A VERY LONG TIME SO LET ME HAVE THIS.

A spot-on interpretation by jadenvargen

 

ANYWAY let's move on to that Kitty-Wolverine meet-cute. Next to Jean Grey's epic depression over losing four of the men she loved the most in a span of weeks, the other female character whose internal struggle and conflict gets some page time across the series has to be Kitty Pryde. As we all know, Wolverine's genetic mark infused with hers back in the first issue because Fabian Cortez touched them during a confrontation, which was why she now has a fully-functioning adamantium claw from one of her knuckles. But that's not the only thing amiss; Kitty has also started to have a personality change akin to Logan's: she's grumpy, impulsive and has an urge to kill. She's also been dreaming in Japanese. So when she encounters the Wolverine clone, she was understandably pissed! Before Logan's death, they've always shared a sibling-like relationship which was why it was so difficult for her to adjust to the changes happening to her that is both physical and mental in manifestation. In issue #8, the Dark Wolverine gets put down only to be revealed in the final page that he was alive after all and is coming back for Kitty. I read the next issue right after this and I would like to say that it was the BEST offered so far for volume 2. I'm glad that even though that bullshit Nate-Summers-Marauders central plot was abhorrent, Claremont was able to soften the blow by following up on Kitty's arc which is one of the four things I enjoy about this series in the first place.

Overall, issues #6-8 could have been handled differently. The Burnout storyline is beginning to drag and bug me. It's actually the less interesting plot of the series by now. I hope we get Storm back which is certainly a terrible atrocity to look forward to because I fucking hate what she has become for this series but it's still very compelling to see her unleash her crazy.

RECOMMENDED: 6/10