X-Men by Jim Lee issue #10 (1992)

In this issue, it finally makes sense to me why I should give a damn about Longshot and Dazzler because they were heavily featured for this. Back when their scenes were clumsily inserted during that forgettable four-issued debacle arc composed of Omega Red, Matsuo the Dipshit and lots of Wolverine torture, I could not help but nerd-rage about their portions because they were so disconnected from the main plot I'm already struggling to follow. Seriously, I wish I could take back the time I wasted reading that storyline. But this arc (only two issues long) is a charming piece both penned and illustrated by Jim Lee.

An entertaining allegory as well as a whimsical parody to Wizard of Oz, this was actually a pretty fun action-adventure story that immediately opens with Longshot waking up in a bedroom and then gets tossed around as the house he's inside in lands in a foreign land. Longshot as a male Dorothy makes the Kansas reference pretty quickly (and then questions what it means a beat after in a hilarious self-aware manner). He is pretty soon joined by Rogue, Cyclops and Wolverine who comically represent Tin Man, Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion respectively. It was just pure comedy gold, seeing Rogue's mouth and arms covered in metal because she asserts that kissing or touching her will kill people; Cyke rambling about why people should never ask him questions because he is stupid, and FUCKING WOLVERINE COWERING BEHIND CYCLOPS' BACK. It was unnatural seeing these characters acting as Oz characters in the most ridiculous sense.

To add more insult to injury, we also see Beast (the eloquent and intelligent Hank McCoy) become a verbally challenged buffoon (his beast-like qualities are exaggerated), and yet he still remains of superior intellect which was why hearing himself talk like a savage is very, very hurtful to him. AND THE FACT THAT HE IS THE DOG TOTO TO LONGSHOT'S DOROTHY. This is the very worst kind of opposite day and, I'm sorry, but I still can't get over the fact that Wolverine is a scaredy fucking cat now.

The issue wastes no time explaining to the readers that the X-Men are trapped in Mojo World where the Blob (this world's version is a fat monstrosity of epic proportions) brainwashes the gang into playing these roles for national television as a distorted reality show that the Blob hopes to gather high ratings from because every living creature in Mojo World loves 'em reality TV apparently especially when they are held against their will and have no other choice but to swallow the stupefying range of idiocy broadcasted to their TV sets. The Blob was able to create this nightmare land through Professor X whom he ties up so he can exploit the man's powerful telepathy. He has Gambit, Jubilee and Psylocke captive because these three will become the Flying Monkeys later on, much to their collective disgust and chagrin. For these scenes, I only want to point out three things:

FIRST: I am totally going to start using the word/phrase JUBILIATION in my succeeding reviews to express my dismay/annoyance about something in a story or characterization. Jim Lee himsef, in a tongue-on-cheek fashion, does point out that the X-Men members do seem to call out Jubilee using her full name every time she says or does something that gets under their nerves. So if you read me exclaiming 'Jubilation!", please also picture me with my first raised to the heavens while nerd-rage tears drip down my chubby cheeks.

SECOND: OH HELLS TO THE NO, Mr. Blob. You do not get to tie up Professor X and torture him. That's Magneto's fetish job. Seeing Charles being manipulated like that whilst being in bondage just doesn't sit right unless it's Mags doing it (Ha-ha! And here you thought I won't be making another Cherik slash reference. When it comes to making commentary regarding how much I actively ship these two men and their sadomasochistic "friendship", I shall never fail you. You can be rest assured of that).

THIRD: Once again, WHERE IS STORM AND JEAN GREY? Are they still playing a mean game of ping-pong with Bishop in the mansion? Did the three of the go out for ice cream right around the time Professor X and the X-Men were abducted by one of Blob's minions and transported to Mojo world along with Longshot and Dazzler? WHY ARE THESE TWO POWERFUL SUPERHEROINES KEEP GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE STICK, Claremont and Lee? Maybe they're the center of the action for The Uncanny X-Men title. I'm not reading those Claremont issues right now but it's possible that those gals are having their own side-adventures (spin-off).

There are so many amazing comedic moments for this issue that truly brightened my day (I woke up rather late in the afternoon and was on my way to work when I decided to read this in the car ride). I love Beast growling and speaking poorly even though he is the only one who can rationalize the scenarios they are in. I love that Wolverine is actually afraid of Jubilee chasing him around with her fireworks. I love that Gambit, Psylocke and Jubilee have fucking bat-wings and are attacking their friends in the most ridiculously drawn action sequences that again remind me that I'm reading a goddamn cheesy comic book. The heart of this adventure are the lovers Longshot and Dazzler who are separated tragically and are both trying to find a way back to each other. If the X-Men are the rest of the cast in Lost then you can say Longshot and Dazzler are Desmond and Penny. I think they're actually an endearing couple. You want them to get reunited no matter what.

Let's just move on to the final installment of this beautiful mess of a storyline, shall we?

RECOMMENDED: 8/10

X-Men by Chris Claremont issue #9 (1992)

So the Brood, your quintessential fugly aliens who consider themselves a master race with the quaint charm of your average Doctor Who Dalek, is the main Big Bad for issue #9 entitled The Not So Big Easy. This was the kind of comic book story that viciously reminds you that you are reading a comic book, you big nerd, and you're the only one who understands why you're having such a great time deriving amusement from what you are reading . And by "you big nerd," I'm of course talking to myself.

I did not give a singular dookie about the Brood in this issue and in general. Aliens in X-Men often are an afterthought for me, much like Professor X's girlfriends beards like that Alien Queen who is probably his longest romantic relationship with another being who is not his destined-to-be and secret-on Magneto (see what I did there? I ALWAYS FIND A WAY to insert a Cherik reference here and there). But I, once again, digress.

The opening panel features the X-Men collectively dropping their jaws at the sight of the Brood not much out of fear and panic (well, maybe just Jubilee then) but from the utter annoyance and inconvenience these fuktard sons of bitches will put them through for the entire issue. Trust me, I feel for them. The only reason why I found the ordeal entertaining and worth the read is because the character interactions we get to witness between certain X-Men are precious gems that made me giddy. Look, let's just get the reason why the Brood are here out of the way because it's so inconsequential to the more important parts of this book (even though it is the main plot but who gives a shit about plot? I'm essentially just reading 90's X-Men to ship people and comment on cheesetastic moments, okay?). The Brood basically enslaved Gambit's homies, the clans of thieves and assassins he is a part of, so what the X-Men actually stumbled upon is a breeding colony. One of these fuglies also implanted itself on the Ghost Rider which is why he's being a total dickface and trying to kill Wolverine somewhere in the middle of this beautiful atrocity we call Just Another X-Men Story.

The moments shared among Jubilee, Beast and Wolverine (especially Beast) as well as that potentially all-out-make-out-sesh between Cyclops and Psylocke (an itch is an itch, why don't we just scratch it, mmm-kay?) were enough for me to forgive the fact that, once again, Storm and Jean Grey are left behind the mansion. Just what the actual significant fuck are they doing in there? I can't possibly believe Professor X is such riveting company though I'm sure Magneto will disagree IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I would like to assume that the ladies are slamming it with Bishop in the meantime, passing the time by playing ping-pong or something (I bet they own one). So back to the story: Beast, Rogue, Gambit, Wolverine, Jubilee, Psylocke, Cyclops and Bella Donna are locked in a clumsy combat with some Brood when the ground collapses beneath them which divided the group into factions in a timely manner. Beast and Wolverine exchanged some sass while taking turns fighting off the Ghost Rider, Gambit and his estranged wife had a rather touching moment (I just glimpsed at Gambit's humanity and I shuddered) while Psylocke and Cyclops should have had a quickie even if only telepathically. The unlucky little Jubilee is all alone as she sees the cocooned victims of the Brood hanging from the ceiling. Thankfully, Rogue was there. I had this theory that she was originally supposed to be with Gambit but saw that he needs to have some alone time with the missus so she walks off and finds Jubilee instead. That totally makes sense and will make me love Rogue even more for being so considerate even though she has feelings for Gambit.

All of these scenes played rather remarkably fast-paced, putting me on the edge of my seat as I watch each one unfold and collide later as an entire epic action sequence. One moment you see Wolverine and Beast with the Ghost Rider while Gambit and the wife are having a tearful reconciliation as Cyke and Psylocke REALLY NEED TO START DOING IT and then the Ghost Rider crashes into Rogue who was freeing one of the cocooned relatives. Cyclops and Psylocke WHO I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE ARE NOT DOING IT managed to arrive just in time for Cyke to blast a beam at Ghost Rider and for Psylocke to kick a Brood in the face to protect Jubilee. Awesome, awesome stuff. We see the Ghost Rider transforming into a Brood hybrid (GROSS especially when I imagine it's the Nicolas Cage film version). Psylocke, once again proving she's an assertive force to be reckoned with, mentally links herself with the Ghost Rider so she can extinguish the parasitic Brood that is inhabiting him. Bella Donna was able to do the same (the woman is full of surprises, all right) and together they kick ass. With Ghost Rider now in control of his consciousness, he thanks the X-Men and decides to fight with them against the Broods.

In a surprisingly sad twist, Bella Donna was unable to recover from her mental battle and died. I barely knew her but I was glad for her presence. She softened Gambit and actually made me feel sorry for him. Their conversations earlier about their relationship and Gambit's reasons for leaving her were also very emotional (as verbose, cheesy and often absurd Claremont's writing can be, he sure knows how to make compelling character drama when  the moment demands it). I like that single panel of Jubilee holding back tears as she tries to make light of the situation, a testament to her youth and inexperience about adult matters, while Rogue looks devastated as she watches Gambit's first love die in his arms. It was genuine shock and sadness in that expression of hers. After Gambit gives Bella Donna's body away to her cousins so they can bury her, we get this spectacularly badass panel:

"You don't get more 'family' than the X-Men". What a transcendent sentiment, Logan. It definitely holds more weight coming from him too, especially since he's going through something very personal himself. I'm so happy he stepped up to tell Gambit that they all have his back just like they all did too when it was Logan who was in a pinch in the previous issues ago. Too bad the conclusion of this arc is going to be in a Ghost Rider issue instead which I don't intend to read but I am pretty confident that it's gonna be awesome.

 

Ah, X-Men by Chris Claremont and Jim Lee. WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU?

RECOMMENDED: 9/10

X-Men by Chris Claremont issue #8 (1992)

Ah, X-Men by Chris Claremont and Jim Lee.

When I'm not busy self-inflicting the experience of masochistic thrills sustained from the Prof X/Mags scenes that you suddenly throw at my ovaries, you're making me wish I never met you. And just when I'm about to feign nonchalance as I desperately try to pull away from your unavoidable clutches, you give me an issue like Tooth and Claw which reminds me that what I'm reading is supposed to be fun even if this one proved to be a fickle bitch in tone and substance. Fluctuating from sitcom-like scenarios to serious-business-is-serious, issue #8 has plenty of character moments that made it worth all the troubling crossover bullshit that came after for the next issue. I giggled at the most inanely random stuff while I flipped the pages, especially when it came to the dynamics between certain X-Men.

The issue opens with Logan trying to put together his clusterfuck memories of the lives he had endured as a fast-healing almost-immortal mutant whose baggage of pain and regrets still has a discernible weight on him even if he doesn't exactly remember what they are composed of. Cyclops continues to keep tabs on him. After all, he did assert last time that he's here to help Wolvie, whether the other guy likes it or not. I've been enjoying their one-on-one encounters so far, honestly even if there's a tinge of condescension in the way Cyke expresses concern. It's not easy being a teacher's pet squad leader, you know. He always has to look out for everyone even if it's someone he's never always comfortable with, Logan especially--or when it's someone he's attracted to; like Psylocke, for example.

I'm sorry, did I say Psylocke? Yeah, we'll get to that later.

So exactly a page later after the Cyke-Wolvie conversation, Storm introduces Bishop to the group. Again, there's a backstory here I won't have to discuss because I think Bishop's appearance for this run was just a continuation from The Uncanny X-Men. Anyway, he's here and he's from the future where everything is grim and nasty so it takes him a while to adjust to the fact that he's actually meeting the original X-Men who are all dead and gone in his own timeline. He has an altercation with Gambit whom Bishop suspects is the one who turns coat and betrays his comrades in the future. Cyke and Rogue defended Gambit while Jean rationalizes that Gambit has done a lot for the group in the present so of course they have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Storm confirms this, and tells Bishop that he's a stranger to the rest of them so they are more inclined to believe someone who is a part of their family.

We get a nice little interaction between Wolverine and Professor X in the background too and I'd like to point out that I think it's great that Claremont is still making readers care about Wolverine's inner turmoil after all that has happened to him in the previous story arc. He's detached and reticent from everything around him right now and refuses Professor X's help as gently as he could, knowing he needs some solitude time to figure out what to do next for himself first. He stays behind while the rest of the gang goes out for a picnic because when you're a bunch of secluded mutants whom the rest of humankind fear and hate, you got to make the most of the small moments of privacy and relaxation you are allowed to have. Cyclops certainly was, much to Jean's chagrin. Boy couldn't help checking out Psylocke as she emerges from a swim in the lake, and I do not blame him. Aside from the fact that Betsy is no plain Jane especially not in that bikini (yowza), I've always thought that she has an impressive skill set especially her resourcefulness during combats. I would assume Cyke has been fighting alongside her far more than with Jean Grey who always seems to stay behind in the mansion with the professor. so I can't blame the man if his eyes wandered every now and then to another attractive teammate. It honestly makes Cyke more relatable that way. Personally, Jean shouldn't complain. She should check out Psylocke too. I know I would.

Bishop and Storm spend some time together because I don't think anyone else is willing to interact with the poor man. But said poor man brings a big gun to the picnic so who are we kidding, really? He was ready to shoot something when he thought Cyke was in danger (but the only danger that boy is in if he accidentally triggers the Phoenix SPOILER REFERENCE in his girlfriend for making her jealous like that). Storm appeases him in the calmest of manners, trying to make him see that nothing is certain when it comes to the events both in the present and the future, but his actions now in this timeline might affect the course of the future that is still up for some rewrite. After leaving him with those words of wisdom which I basically paraphrased and interpreted in my own quirky way, Storm flies off--I don't know why but she probably shouldn't have, considering what Bishop does next which is a crime in itself, interrupting fan-favorite ship Gambit and Rogue while he coquettishly tries to touch her and she giddily allows herself to get chased around. What a bunch of dorks. I may have shipped them when I was six years old but I guess I grew up more cynical since then, preferring hurtful and devastating parings like Prof X and Mags instead.

So a hilarious commotion plays out where Gambit, in the heat of the moment, decides to throw pie at Bishop but hits Rogue instead ON THE FUCKING FACE. All of a sudden, both men forget punching each other and start to laugh nervously, standing together in the most awkward panel ever drawn, as Rogue fumes, scolding Gambit for wasting that pie she baked with all her love and affection because rough-on-the-edges Rogue with her power-sucking mutation and Herculean strength is still a Southern belle at heart whose itty-bitty heart melts or breaks easily. GOD I LOVE ROGUE. I may still ship Gambit and Rogue too under the right circumstances, and I certainly enjoyed this slice of sugar fluff...which, of course, gets interrupted by the appearance of a femme fatale who attacks Gambit and all but then Gambit calms down Bishop from retaliating because the woman in question is his wife. Later in the mansion, Jubilee is greatly perturbed that a female actually agreed to marry Gambit willingly. I like that Rogue was quiet about all of this. She didn't look irritated or hurt. She listened carefully as Gambit explained his piece. And even then, she didn't judge. She even agreed to help out like the rest of the X-Men ever did. GOD I LOVE ROGUE.

Anyway, it turns out that Gambit marries this woman, Bella Donna as a way to unite the clans of assassins and twins in a reverse Romeo and Juliet fashion where the childhood sweethearts actually get a chance to end their families' feud by tying the knot officially. Still, Gambit ups and leaves his wife for some unsolicited reason. She tracks him down to explain that an invasion in their home is currently happening and Bella Donna was not clear on the details but of course the gang will help anyway. Because they're the X-Men, duh. Wolverine finally appears and decides to join in, most probably because he wants to make fun of Gambit and rip some motherfuckers in one fell swoop. He needs the exercise. As the team gets ready, some guy had the misfortune of stumbling upon the Ghost Rider in the middle of the highway and the issue appropriately ends on that note.

Fun issue. Claremont and Lee are obviously having some laughs themselves.

RECOMMENDED: 8/10

X-Men by Chris Claremont issue #7 (1992)

I complained about the fact that the previous issue was all over the place; uneven pacing, needless subplot crossover, and a rushed cliffhanger. This was why I was more than relieved to see that the concluding installment of this Omega Red story arc was a pretty nice wrap-up albeit a predictable one. When all is said and done, I'm just glad this is over even if fucking goddamn dipshit Matsuo escaped at the last minute in the closing pages. Fuck that dude! Admittedly, my hatred mostly stems from the fact that he has the same hairstyle as Wolverine. What a poser.

There are plenty of action scenes here that actually made me feel nervous again which hasn't happened since the Magneto arc in the earlier three issues. At the center of it all are no other than Psylocke (and later on Wolverine), two characters I've had a penchant for because even their static poses in the pages are badass and deadly to look at. I am really enjoying Psylocke despite the fact that this is the second time someone uses her own telepathy against her. She would recover later on anyway and takes the reigns and everyone else by surprise whenever she does get to it. On the other hand, Wolverine is yet able to take another extensive and agonizing physical torture. For a dude whose enemies and general acquaintances in the past are always finding new and creative ways to hurt him, he can mentally condition himself to endure that level of pain which says something to the elasticity of this character's badassery.

It's funny when you think about the fact that the people in the stories hate him as much as the readers who buy these comic books love him. The irony and balance to these receptions are fantastic, really. I will still consider myself a Wolverine fan but that depends on the characterization and plot relevance he has whenever I read him. Claremont's version of him here is pretty decent enough so far, but I don't think he really shines in this storyline which was supposedly heavily centered around him.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have Maverick and Sabertooth suddenly working together because Psylocke apparently was able to compel Sabertooth to do her bidding so he helps out in freeing the X-Men. However, Matsuo was able to overpower Psy during a fight with Omega Red, so the psychic link between her and Sabertooth gets cut off which was untimely for Maverick because he was just about to free the X-Men. Fortunately enough, teamwork is always the key to these guys and Cyclops, Jubilee, Beast, Rogue and Gambit eventually were able to get themselves just in time to help out Wolvie and Psy. This panel of them demanding their friends back was the sweetest:

Lots of ass-kicking commence afterwards because it wouldn't be a proper X-Men comics without a healthy dose of it. I didn't even mind that single page of Longshot/Dazzler/Mojo World anymore because I'm just happy in general that this rather polarizing storyline has come to an end. I also miss seeing Jean Grey, Storm and Professor X who had nothing meaningful to contribute to this arc at all. Underusing Storm in particular will always be the biggest crime ever. Anyway, while the X-Men get ready to return to home base, probably to have more fun times as the wacky weirdos that they are, Cyclops and Wolverine have this massively "awww" moment when they share this unexpected exchange:

 

As much as I like the love triad of Jean, Scott and Logan (the cheesy/poignant/delirious epicness of which was tantalizingly explored in the cartoons, by the way), I do consider Cyclops and Wolverine to be formidable comrades who often rub each other in the wrong way every now and then but do respect each other's capabilities and boundaries. These panels acknowledge that optimistic side of their dynamic and relationship which is still steeped in unease and suspicion, granted, but when push comes to shove, I just know both are willing to come to each other's aid. There is a friendship here which does take time to get used to for both parties and the readers who are usually taking sides whenever these two would clash on several occasions. I was smiling to myself the entire time Wolvie was expressing that sentiment about the X-Men. He is an autonomous individualist who challenges conformity and questionable authority every chance he gets, but he is a softie who gives his loyalty and service to the people and organization who are worth the trouble. In this case, it's the X-Men led by Charles Xavier. This is just one the things that make this character so endearing. And Scott's "Whether you want it or not" remark was deliberately snarky but you can definitely detect the affection and concern that underlies it. I just love it when tough men show their softer side.

I'm ending this review on that positive note. This also concludes my review sfor the collected issues for the first volume Mutant Genesis. I'm going to be reviewing that as well tomorrow. For now, I'll re-read that Magneto arc from the earlier issues and cry my shipper heart out with some devastating Prof X/Mags moments therein. BECAUSE I CAN AND I WILL!

RECOMMENDED: 8/10

X-Men by Chris Claremont issue #6 (1992)

The only memorable thing about this issue was the fact that it was such an utter mess! It was alienating which therefore made it a rather frustrating read. It's never a good sign when every other page I turn to makes me involuntarily mutter different variations of "No, no, no," under my breath. It just isn't. And it's not okay.

There are only a few things I genuinely liked about this issue entitled Farther Still which also coincidentally summarizes the deluge of feelings I have as I painfully crawled my way through reading the scenes that did not make any sense to me.

Again, a few things I liked: (1) the fact that Psylocke was suddenly under Matsuo's command and is now betraying her teammates much to her chagrin. You would think this should increase the stakes but it all feels underwhelming. So why would I like it? Because it's Psylocke and the bitch needs to have more roles even if it's the bad-guy one. She's quite an underappreciated telepath for me considering what a badass she is because she also has 'em ninja skills.

Another thing I liked was (2) Sabertooth making an appearance because that entire scene with the captive X-Men and the villains gathered around him was hilarious. Everyone is making a light of the situation for some reason like this was just another day at the office. I specifically took pleasure when Sabertooth rips into Gambit's chest and tasted his blood, remarking the spicy quality of it. Gambit quips that it's probably his mother's Cajun recipe. And then Sabertooth makes vaguely cannibalistic comments about devouring sweet little Jubilee. I don't know, those panels just made me laugh because it's so cartoonish and campy in the best way possible! Just typing them again in this review makes me giggle like a dork. It helps to laugh because the other parts of this issue are head-scratchers.

The Wolverine aspect of this issue was composed of flashback sequences to clarify the events from the past that have now come back to haunt Logan, as well as to clue readers in regarding to the history Logan as with his mysterious rescuer from the previous issue whose name is Maverick. We get snippets of Logan's ongoing strife with Creed (Sabertooth) for added context as well. There is some sort of rivalry between Maverick and Logan too which the latter has totes forgotten about until Maverick enlightens him. The two unlikely allies call it a draw for now though, and proceed to make the most of the bad scenarios at hand, starting with a fight between Sabertooth and Psylocke. I feel really awful for Wolverine at this point. Sabertooth, Matsuo and Omega Red all want a piece of his prime meat. It's horrible. And the rest of the X-Men are mere collateral damage. Honestly, the Wolverine part could have been expanded some more because I don't mind as long as there is some compelling drama to be had. I'm also curious to know as to how he and Psylocke formed a telepathic link with each other. Has it always been that way? How does that help either of them aside from being able to share a communication thread during combats? I refuse to believe it's something more personal (like they're secret lovers because Psy is not the female telepath Logan is after, everyone knows that). Anyway, that part of the characterization was illuminated on.

And that's because of the other side of this issue which made Farther Still so incomprehensible halfway through: the Dazzler/Longshot/Mojo World. I don't know why this was necessary other than the fact that it served as some sort of commercial to the story I was following more closely. I looked through the next issues of this title and it looks like Longshot makes another appearance as the central figure of a story. Maybe that's why Claremont felt the urgent need to include him in--but it was just wasteful. It also underplayed the conflict among the X-Men and the villains because it took me away from that story so I can attempt to care with supporting characters that have no direct involvement for the series as of now. I really could have done away with those six to seven pages of commercial subplot. Those pages could have been utilized more for better scenes. I'm not under the impression that Claremont is just stretching this story until we get to the last installment which was why this issue was just not enjoyable unless you count the random cartoonish hilarity I've mentioned above with Sabertooth and Gambit. Not a good standalone issue. Lots of details are not explained further, and the high-stakes conflict felt rushed.

RECOMMENDED: 6/10

X-Men by Chris Claremont issue #5 (1992)

I truly intend to make my X-Men comics diet for 2015 as fun and relaxed as possible, regardless of the fact that this 50-year old series has a gargantuan bulk of titles, characters and stories. I also want each of my reviews to be as extensive as possible for each issue, provided with colorful if not snarky commentary for added good measure. Occasionally, I'll also take the time to make needless remarks regarding the homoerotic subtext concerning Professor X and Magneto's interactions (just deal with it). I'm not naïve though. I know there will be some setbacks in between where I would encounter stories that aren't my cup of tea but I will try my best to keep things interesting as possible. Granted, I think that has come too early with this Omega Red storyline. I just don't know how to explain this plot.

Blowback was very confounding and I am taking it all in with the perspective of a newbie which I believe the people who are reading my reviews might be. This wasn't an accessible issue as itself if you are coming from the animated series point-of-view alone, and are not steeped in the previous installments from other Marvel titles that are cross-referenced with this storyline (issue #6 was muddled with them and I think that personally for me was the weakest one of the arc). With that, I struggled immensely so I decided that I should focus on characters I do have some connection with while reading and that helped. However, this was also a Wolverine-centric story which presents a dilemma on my part. Like most of the superhero fans these days, the cinematic adaptations are the easiest access I have to these characters and none more so than when it comes to Wolverine.

Actor Hugh Jackman simply epitomized that role in a very influential manner and though I grew up with the 90's cartoon version, it's ultimately Jackman's portrayal that I relate to the most. But we've been oversaturated with a lot of Wolverine stuff both in the movies and current comic book continuity these days that I myself face this unease and fatigue by instinct each time I encounter a story that heavily makes use of his character.

That said, this four-issued Omega Red storyline did not make me feel tired and negatively biased towards Wolverine at all--in fact, his presence actually alleviated some of the confusing and complicated parts of the arc that persist to alienate me. He was my anchor all throughout which should suck for him because this storyline has not treated him with any kindness whatsoever. Ever since he was captured and forced to fight in an agonizing death match, poor Logan never got a goddamn break. The villains for this story, composed of Matsuo, the Fenris twins and Omega Red, make me want to throw something across the walls because they were so typically malicious and two-dimensional. I don't give a fuck and it makes the reading experiences insufferable because I had to witness Wolverine getting tossed around like garbage by characters I have no immediate sympathy for. Seriously, fuck these guys.

The most redeeming thing I can say about this issue was the parts that include the X-Men making plans and performing awesome feats of sheer strength, teamwork and cooperation. No other superhero team makes me want to put on a cheerleader uniform so I can have a pep rally for them like the X-Men. I care about everyone in the team, even the ones who are not my favorite (Cyclops, Jubilee and fucking Gambit are usually the least of my concern) and it's just so nostalgic every time I see them overcome the physical adversities (as well as the metaphorical ones) along the way as long as they stand united against the kind of parasites, racists and phenomenally evil assholes that fuel nightmares (more so whenever they face my favorite villain of all time, Magneto). On the visual spectrum, Jim Lee's art style is impressive in scale, considering he's making up for writer Claremont's verbose approach when it comes to storytelling and dialogue. There are odd moments that often make me examine a page because I can't understand the correlation between the panels and the prose itself, and I think that slowed my momentum down and affected some of my enjoyment.

This issue ends with a cliffhanger concerning supporting characters from a crossover subplot from another X-related title. I know who Dazzler is but not Longshot for some reason. Wolverine was also able to escape, carrying a canister whose contents we were never became privy to until later on. He was rescued by an unnamed mutant who seemed to yet another character connected to his past. Logan doesn't have any recollection and I don't trust the dude who just got him out of there, not when he specifically avoided meeting the other X-Men. Rogue, Gambit and Psylocke enter one place while Beast, Cyclops and Jubilee make way for another. And this will all unfold in the next issue.

Not exactly crazy about this one but it wasn't as stressful as issue #6 later on.

RECOMMENDED: 7/10

X-Men by Chris Claremont issue #4 (1992)

I was still reeling from the three-part Magneto story arc while reading this, to be quite honest. Luckily enough, this issue was the much-deserved wacky break from all the stressful and heartbreaking Prof X/Mag that I was bombarded with the last time. Here we got to see some of the X-Men (Wolverine, Jubilee, Gambit and Rogue) fool around and act like a bunch of college kids. While these four played basketball together, Gambit flirted rather lasciviously and downright creepily towards Rogue then made her go out on a date with him as his victory prize for winning the game. It's as ridiculous as it reads, guys.

Later on we see Gambit and an all-dressed up Rogue about to ride his motorbike but then Wolverine shamelessly offered to chaperon them and he was also accompanied by everyone's-kid-sister Jubilee. To add more insult to the injury, Beast strolls in and happily cockblocks Gambit by offering his services as a chauffeur for Wolverine and Jubilee. Forced into the most awkward group hang ever, Gambit didn't even bother resisting because I'm pretty sure he's confident enough to put on the moves with Rogue even if there are two grown men and a teenage girl watching. Hell, he may even enjoy an audience.

I love that he even managed to insert a "Brady Brunch" joke in there too, in case the readers don't get the semi-incestuous vibe in this scene (WHICH WE DO, thank you very much). There is never a moment Gambit is not trying to get some tail, okay? I do question his sanity though. Rogue has made it pretty clear that any kind of skin-to-skin contact will zap his energy from him which, of course, if you're Gambit simply means that the girl is just being a relentless tease. You know what, there's no point trying to rationalize a hot-blooded womanizer's thought process so let's move on to the plot of this issue.

But let's talk about the subplot concerning Moira first since it still ties back from the last story arc. She's clearly still traumatized and no one is really expecting her to recover from the guilt-ridden, hellish experience she had just been subjected to the last time because of Magneto's rage which she inadvertently caused to herself, what with all the genetic code-tampering and amoral negligence and all that. Her boyfriend Sean (Banshee) wanted to make her feel better but he couldn't speak to her because his jaw was recovering from the previous battle so Professor X volunteered some short-term telepathic link between the lovers which should have been super awkward for everyone (including Cyclops who was just there, accompanying Prof X like the teacher's pet he is) given the history Moira has with Charles (they were engaged to be married once). But then again, Charles Xavier has done a series of frequent creepy things in the run of X-Men so we can just sweep this part of their dynamic under the rug and just believe that Prof X was doing a nice thing for an ex-lover and her current boyfriend. So let's jump to the plot.

The plot seems to be about villains I do not recognize at all except for the fact that they were a part of Wolverine's past and want to take revenge on him--or use him in some self-serving way. That's the unavoidable problem when you're technically ageless with a bad temper or a mutation that attracts the most vile of people to experiment on you. Typical Wolverine story, you know. Still, like I said, I know certain things about the X-Men comics particularly those I've watched from the cartoons or anything involving the professor or Mags, but I'm a little uneducated with the baggage of other characters. There's this Japanese fellow named Matsuo who is totally sporting a rip-off Wolverine hair and a dead character whom he resurrected and who calls himself as the Omega Red. At this point in the comics, I'm grasping at straws. I'm figuring out things little by little and hopefully will be more enlightened later on.

For now, I'm giving this issue a high rating because I enjoy the fluff and lightness to the scenes involving the fivesome as well as that character conflict with Moira. The action scenes at the later part where a group of armed men sabotaged the fivesome were exciting to look at. Though well-trained mutants, Beast, Jubilee, Rogue, and Gambit were captured and detained (thanks to carefully altered drugs, of course). Meanwhile, they separated Wolverine because Logan has a death match to participate in with Omega Red in the next issue. While this climactic event happens, a distraught Moira just left the mansion to get some alone-time and the cab she was riding in drove across the site of the abduction but poor Moira was too consumed by grief to even bother checking out what happened so she indirectly allowed her friends to be taken. But then again, I can forgive that. It's not like she can be of much help. Sure, she could have contacted Professor X earlier but it's not like the professor doesn't have a way of being alerted when his students get captured.

This issue had a great build-up and pacing to it. I'm getting a hang of Claremont's verbosity too even if some of his dialogue do come off stifled. Jim Lee draws women very beautifully too and his action panels are dynamic enough to keep things interesting visually.

RECOMMENDED: 8/10

X-Men by Chris Claremont issue #3 (1991)

Fallout is an issue that made me go "Erik, no!" a handful of times like James McAvoy's Charles Xavier as I browse through the pages. But that's only when I was nearing the end of the story which contained two of the most memorable and moving speeches delivered by Mags and Prof X.

The truth for the matter, however, is that this issue opens with lots of dialogue concerning the X-Men's plans and the S.H.I.E.L.D/government's plans about Magneto. As I type this review, I forgot about most of the conversations because they were that wordy and irrelevant to me on an emotional level. What did leave a lasting impression was the fact that the plane Jean Grey, Storm and the rest of the X-Men arrived in was invisible. I thought Jim Lee's illustration of that was badass.

I'm going to skip the technical, boring parts and just talk about Magneto some more since this story arc is pretty much about his return to the dark side as well as his conflict with Moira MacTaggert who did something about his genetic make-up in a failed attempt to save the life of her son. Magneto is hearing none of her justifications and proceeds to torture the fuck out of her by turning her body into metal so he can play with it. While this horrible thing is going on, Magneto also managed to make Moira do his bidding last issue; ergo brainwash the captive X-Men (Cyclops, Wolverine, Rogue, Beast and Psylocke) to join him and fight with the other X-Men who just arrived in Asteroid M to rescue them in the first place. So while the X-Men spend pages upon pages locked in an interpersonal battle, Magneto continues to torment Moira but then suddenly shows signs of fatigue halfway through. Moira at this point cannot speak (because Magneto covered her mouth with a sheet of metal) but we read her contemplations regarding one of Magneto's acolytes Cortez who has been acting rather suspiciously and she got the sense that he is not to be trusted and she would have warned Magneto about this but her mouth is sealed in skin-tight metal.

There is a noteworthy piece of exchange between Magneto and Cortez earlier when said acolyte wondered why Mags simply put Prof X in a state of sleep and not bothered brainwashing him. I was half-hopeful the answer would be because Mags totes loves his Charles and do not want him to participate directly in the debauchery he is committing. But then again this version of Magneto is angry like a hurling series of a thousand suns propelling towards unsuspecting victims so, naturally, his response to that question was: "I want him BROKEN. I want his heart to crack. I want him to choke with grief--as I did when I learned how my old and dear 'friend' betrayed me!" And Moira was quick to remind him FOR THE ZILLIONTH MOTHERFUCKING TIME that his boyfriend Charles had nothing to do with what she had done and that was when Magneto applies the skin-tight metal around her mouth so she'll shut up for good. That was my first "Erik, no!" for this issue.

Meanwhile, the X-Men are still exchanging friendly fire somewhere in the asteroid headquarters. My favorite small moment was when Cyclops surprised Jean Grey from behind her back and planted a kiss on her. And then blasts her with his beam seconds after. That was awesome. I'm not sure how exactly they resolved this but somehow Rogue was able to fight through the compulsion and convince the others that something doesn't feel right; that it doesn't make sense for them to fight their own teammates. I gotta say, Rogue has always been my favorite as a child, but I don't recall her being so self-aware and clever on the uptake. But I had no time to question these unfamiliar characteristics of hers because I was, once again, panicking and dying inside as Magneto and Professor X starts having yet another vicious and aggressive confrontation in which Mags for the second time tries to choke Prof X and not in a hot way:

Jesus Loki fuck, get your shit together, you dorks!

Wolverine was more than happy to interrupt this messed-up foreplay which also provided Moira the opportunity to tell Magneto that although she did manipulate his genetics, it was ultimately a failure. Apparently, Magneto's mutant power got in the way so everything he had committed since the first issue was by his own choice and not because his new DNA has commanded to. In Moira's words, his genetic code, after being tampered, simply fixed the problem biologically by reverting to its natural state. That's when Magneto realized (as I did) that perhaps being asshole is just who he is now--his natural state. My second and saddest "Erik, no.." happens after that. I was so close to applying a skin-tight metal around Moira's mouth myself but then she also started informing him about his acolyte Cortez who must have known about this all along and was using Magneto. We then cut back to a panel where said Judas was smirking triumphantly to himself inside an escape pod. He then blasted some sort of plasma energy towards the direction of the asteroid where everyone is. Oh, and a couple of nuclear warheads because why not? Magneto knew he can deflect all of this but that would entail him staying behind to create a shield across the entire asteroid. It's exactly as epic as it sounds. But Professor X is having none of that.

In a last attempt for reconciliation, Prof X tries to get Magneto to escape with them but Mags is having none of that. He has accepted his fate and his mission. His mission will always be tainted in rage and blood but he plans to forge those into his armor. He also asserts that Charles can only see the best in humanity while he has endured the worst. An unspeakable truth was spoken here too: their ideological differences will never enable them to be together. I was definitely muttering, "Don't do this, Erik!" McAvoy-style under my breath while reading these panels. Rogue (who, as I've mentioned before, was Magneto's girlfriend at one point) has to drag the professor away. We get this marvelous panel:

"You may use the same words but you don't speak the same language. I wonder if you ever did," says Rogue AND NO OTHER HURTFUL AND TRUTHFUL WORDS WERE EVER SPOKEN SO CLEARLY REGARDING THE FRACTURED RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PROFESSOR X AND MAGNETO. Charles once described Erik as being closer to him than his own brother; that they are like bookends of the same soul. But I'm getting carried away, sorry. It's just---it hurts too much. But that doesn't end just yet because we get these two speeches which I will just end my review with because there is nothing more that needs to be said on my part.

RECOMMENDED: 10/10



X-Men by Chris Claremont issue #2 (1991)

First of all, get a load of the shippy Professor X/Magneto bondage moment in the cover. That shit is hot. You can never convince me otherwise that those two do not have sexual tension to release between themselves, hookay? That is not the last time we will ever see Professor X in a compromising pose courtesy of Magneto. I recall a page where Mags literally strings up X in metallic bonds against a cross while said professor is even shirtless, spread like a Christ-figure for Magneto's pleasure. Don't believe me? You should know better by now that I can readily provide the evidence! Feast your eyes on this lovely debauchery.

But I digress. In the last issue Rubicon, Magneto comes back to earth after his hiatus from villainy because he once took the mantle of Professor X when everyone thought that the telepath was dead. This time Magneto is determined to cement his status as the X-Men's sworn nemesis which sucks because he actually developed a genuinely amicable relationship with them a great number of issues ago. Alas, being the substitute headmaster was a treacherous, temporary thing for Mags so he opted for the position he is most familiar with--being the commander dickhead of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. It's really disappointing that all the character development he had undergone when he finally became a good guy was thrown out of the window--but I'm honestly not complaining. I've always expected the worst in Magneto and that's just how it's supposed to play out.

In a perfect, neutralized world where humans and mutants can co-exist in beautiful, rainbow harmony, Magneto would have been married to Charles and raising the X-Men brood as their adopted kids the partner Professor X wanted by his side. But we live in a shit-covered clusterfuck of a world where a strong faction of humans are still prejudiced towards mutantkind so Magneto has to be the raging, violent leader from the opposing side because Professor X is often a docile idealist hypocrite and every once in while--in the most painfully ironic sense--Magneto is right.

This issue of Magneto Triumphant is action-packed. Everyone is fighting. Everyone is bleeding. The X-Men simultaneously try to make peace and beat the shit out of Magneto. It's super fun. Somehow, Mags is extra crazy this time around, and has nefarious plans for the X-Men once he was able to capture them in the wake of the combat. My favorite moment of the story is, not surprisingly, when Magneto rips an entire fucking house while Professor X and Moira MacTaggert are inside it. Magneto wants to have a conversation in outer space, apparently, since it's also a convenient way of choking the life out of Professor X as he hurdles him out of the house and into fucking space. He does this so he can convince Moira to start confessing for the horrible thing she has done to him. It's really so bizarre that I can't explain it which is why I'm just going to post the conversation below so you can understand for yourself what a convoluted shite all of this is.

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. The intimate atrocity doesn't even stop there. Magneto takes Moira to his asteroid and starts torturing her even after she relays her sob story pertaining to her son whom she desperately wanted to save and hoped that altering genetic code can do the trick. Her intentions were never malicious but Magneto is beyond reasoning at this point so he proceeds to--I don't know--turn her repeatedly into a metallic form so he could bend her literally in any shape he wants?(!) I honestly don't know what the fuck is happening now. Meanwhile, Professor X is still inside the house now safely stashed inside the asteroid headquarters. Cyclops and the rest of the team arrive, supposedly to rescue him but it turns out that Magneto has done something to brainwash them and now they are joining his cause willingly and Cyke grimly apologized to the professor about it. As a shameless self-confessed X/Mags shipper, this issue was especially unbearable to read. It's notable that although the aggression is mainly directed towards Moira, Magneto also attacks Professor X, believing that his friend also betrayed him when Moira has clarified again and again that Charles had no knowledge of her deeds. Magneto still chooses to believe that X has caused him harm and I would like to believe it's merely an extension of the loneliness he felt when the guy supposedly died and left him to lead a bunch of mutant warriors who could never trust or forgive him. IT HURTS SO MUCH to realize this while reading.

I make no excuses for the way Magneto is acting out right now, however. I suppose I'm torn about this. On one hand, I think his reaction is too extreme. On the other, I understand why he would blow this out of proportion since he's a Holocaust victim who had discovered that yet another scientist has experimented on him. Of course he is going to take that as a serious injury. It just distresses me that Magneto has made the decision to go back to the dark side again, and he did it in such a grandiose and unrepentant fashion that I feel sad for everyone involved and who had to witness it. So while half of the X-Men are brainwashed into following Magneto's orders, the ones who were left in the mansion (Jean Grey, Storm, Angel, Colossus, Banshee and two guys I don't recognize somehow) are planning for some hostile takeover for the next issue which is going to be the epic conclusion of this stressful story arc courtesy of Claremont. I am perpetually riveted and distraught when I read these issues back-to-back. I think I consider Magneto as a favorite character although, just like Professor X, I have a very complicated string of feelings towards him. I can always accept him taking on the bad-guy role because he is so good at it; but it doesn't make it any less depressing and disheartening. He is particularly cruel in this story especially towards Moira--and more so towards Charles Xavier whom I know is the only person he ever cared about when all is said and done. I already know what happens in the finale issue since I read these three in one sitting after all. I seriously need to recuperate first before I type another review though.

Overall, I am enthralled and I'm fully invested in every fucking thing.

RECOMMENDED: 8/10

X-Men by Chris Claremont issue #1 (1991)

The version of the X-Men that I grew up with was the animated series since I was born just around the time the show was televised. It was the Sunday morning cartoon I wake up to and I remember being very giddy about it like any six-year-old kid had been at that time, I guess. I recently acquired copies of the entire series last year and I was able to finish two seasons in the span of a week and couldn't believe how absurd, hilarious and amazing it was to view the episodes later as an adult. It was cheesy, over-the-top and sometimes plain crazy with its story arcs and character interpretations but the animated series nonetheless still feels like home because it was exactly the kind of childhood nostalgia I can find myself curling up to during a rainy day. I think this is why I decided to start with this particular title comprised of eleven issues from the 90s as penned by Chris Claremont because it's the closest version I remember growing up with.

My X-Men comics diet for 2015 will consist of many titles from here on, and they're not going to be read and reviewed by me in chronological order so things are going to get topsy-turvy for everyone, timeline-wise, but I promise to find a way to make everything as cohesive, comprehensive and understandable as much as I can. This title picks up after the events in Claremont's other title The Uncanny X-Men where I believe Professor X has just passed away in Magneto's arms reminiscent if not directly the inspiration of that bromantic beach scene in the X-Men: First Class film. I'm not exaggerating; it's a particularly homoerotic stirring scene where Professor X made Magneto promise to take over the school and handle the mentorship of the X-Men. To ease his friend's passing, Magneto acquiesced. Did I mention that the reason Charles is dying in the first place is because he saved Magneto? I should forewarn anyone who will read my X-reviews that I ship these two so occasional remarks about the questionable nature of their "friendship" will be an unavoidable part of my review content. Just deal with it. Prof X and Mags are bromantic. Here is that scene I was speaking of in case you don't believe me:



So that happens. Professor X is dead and Magneto spends a great number of issues after that trying to be the good guy and leader that his late friend had always believed him capable of. For a short time, Magneto was great. He struggled, sure, and I know that there may have a been few times he felt like strangling select members of the X-Men with wires and stuff, but he impressively pulled through and guided them to the best of his abilities. The X-Men themselves learned to co-exist with him too, mostly because they don't want to violate the Professor's dying wish though some of them did genuinely soften towards Magneto during his stay at the school (except Cyclops. I don't think Cyke ever once trusted him). Unfortunately, Magneto-turning-over-a-new-leaf isn't going to last very soon. I don't want to get into more detailed descriptions about it but let's just say that Professor X was resurrected (or was faking his death all along. He has done so in the past, the jerk) and Magneto banished himself to his Asteroid M base of operations (yes, his living quarters are in space because why not). I really can't remember more specifics about the storyline that predates this title so I naturally can't divulge anymore since I may be mistaken about the other stuff...to be safe, all you need to know right now is that this issue focuses on Magneto switching back to villainy because--well, I guess he's just more effective and relatable that way. I know I personally like my Magneto dark and homicidal.

This is where issue #1 opens up with; a scene where Magneto loyalists flew to space just so they can convince him to become the ruler of the Brotherhood once more. But, like I said, Magneto is in a terrible place and going through a very difficult transition which is why his behavior in the duration of this issue alone is schizophrenic. He's just all over the goddamn place. There's this uncomfortable feeling in my gut every time he appears in a page because I really don't know what he's going to do next which is also very thrilling. Meanwhile, the X-Men are training in their simulation battles inside the Danger Room. There are a handful of awesome combat scenes which never feel like fillers, given the 43 pages breadth of this issue. I enjoyed seeing the X-Men fight as a team because that's the version of them I love the best.

In the midst of all this, we get some narrative pertaining to the political climate at the moment where S.H.I.E.L.D operatives led by Nick Fury are concerned about the threat Magneto presents in case he ever does return to earth. There are some panels dedicated to these discussions, especially about the "Magneto protocols" which are teased repeatedly but are not always expanded on. I'm not exactly sure what kind of relationship the X-Men and S.H.I.E.L.D have (because I'm not a Marvel fan, honestly, so such little nuances escape me) but I think they can cooperate with each other in case there are pressings dangers to national security. Back in Asteroid M, a bunch of Acolytes (the collective term for Magneto's minions) try to convince Magneto to do something other than brood because the mutants need him. Later on, we see him finally rising to the occasion and confronting the X-Men as soon as he lands earth. All the training we saw the team undergo earlier (ten to twelve pages were allotted for this) will finally be put to the test as they go against Magneto who is, at this point, someone they have learned to care about back when the Professor was presumed dead and Magneto acted like a real person with compassion and moral integrity.

So it's super awkward for everyone especially for Rogue (who "dated" Magneto in some comic series I've forgotten the title of) since she's the one who is definitely very concerned about his state of mind. Everyone else wants to rip him to pieces (okay, maybe just Wolverine) but it's Rogue who tries to reason with him and tries to remind him of the person he could be again if he just quit trying to attack humanity and find a peaceful way for mutantkind to co-exist with them. But this Magneto seemed more hell-bent on causing destruction so he ignores her pleas and tries to nuke a ship which was successful. Magneto and the rest of the X-Men (Rogue, Cyclops, Gambit, Beast, Psylocke and Wolverine) reconvene later on in Genosha. He brought with him his Acolytes and a deadly strife is about to break out in the next issue.

BUT THERE'S MORE! A separate scene with Banshee and Moira MacTaggert revealed that she may have a hand in whatever colossal clusterfuck the X-Men and Magneto are caught up in. The issue timely ends there and I immediately had to start reading the next one because all that build-up really stressed me out! I enjoyed the pacing of this Rubicon issue a lot. It was edgy and action-packed even if the conversations are so goddamn wordy at times. I'm also getting used to the unusual way the dialogue balloons are placed; sometimes I get confused which ones to read first but that's probably because I'm used to the more mainstream style and layout of comics these days. Not to mention the fact that Claremont is verbose in the first place which surprises me because artist Jim Lee (whose illustrations are bombastic, by the way) still found a way to make the scenes work visually in spite of the text-heavy content of most panels.

LOVED THIS ISSUE. I'll try to type out the reviews for the next two tomorrow!

RECOMMENDED: 8/10