The Uncanny X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis, Volume 6

Much like its previous third volume, this was a collected series of standalone issues. I'm not really sure whether this volume is entitled The Revolution or Storyville. There are conflicting sources that say it's one or the other. Maybe the collection is yet to be finalized? I don't know. But this one does feature the fifty-two-paged special #600th issue of The Uncanny X-Men which effectively ends Brian Michael Bendis' run of UXM (and even ANXM). But before we discuss that prominent issue, let's get on with the other four first and how I thought about their content.

Now the only issue that actually had a solid tether to the actual ongoing plot was issue #32 which was a Scott-centered story that I did not like reading at all, mostly because I hated, JUST HATED, how Scott was characterized. After the fiasco concerning the powerful mutant Matthew Malloy whose very existence was stopped by time-traveling Eva Bell as she assisted a young Charles Xavier in doing so, Scott was bequeathed the Westchester place in Xavier's last will and testament--which he then refused and gave to Storm. 

Afterwards, he went back to tell his students--the recruits--that he is closing down their secret school for good which means they are effectively disbanned as a team. Emma and Ilyana (especially Ilyana) is not pleased about this very inconsiderate and abrupt decision. She teleports herself and Kitty out there. Meanwhile, the recruits were just as angry. As far as I'm concerned, they have every right to be, and Scott clearly deserved that goldball in the face. This issue was told in a flashback perspective, with Scott telling (yet also not disclosing) the story to his brother Alex who had just resigned from the Uncanny Avengers team. So the two talked about the future.

This issue also dealt with the final break-up between Scott and Emma which is a darn shame because I've rooted for this couple to stay together since Whedon's Astonishing run. But with the way things have gone down after they got messed up by the Phoenix force, and the track record of Scott's unpredictable decision-making, they both need to end whatever lingering feelings they may have for each other because it's apparent they want so many different things now. I didn't like Scott in this issue because I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM ANYMORE. I have a soft spot for Scott from the very beginning. I never truly despised him or liked him so much either. Now---I don't know! I can totally relate to everyone here because I also feel like I've been ain emotionally abusive relationship with a so-called man of principle who doesn't seem to give a damn about how his choices affect the people around him who believe in him every step of the way---especially Ilyana who showed her devotion to him, out of all his comrades, by always being there to be the supportive brawn or willing sounding board. I was surprised she didn't punch him the face because she deserved that. Instead, she walked away and had her bestie with her which was timely because those two have issues to resolve by themselves too.

Ilyana and Kitty's issue was a very nice break from the craziness that was Scott Summers' volatile flip-flop characterization. The besties found themselves in Monster Island and ended up rescuing a mutant child named Bo who was abandoned by her own father to die after she accidentally killed her mother. They succeeded in bringing her back to the Jean Grey school and Storm was glad to take her and enroll her there on the spot. The girl's powers could be something deadly, especially since she seemed to have easily attacked Kitty even when the latter was on phase mode. I certainly hope young Bo will make it and that she will grow up stronger once she has learned to control her abilities. The next issue was about the inevitable confrontation between Mystique and Dazzler which was...underwhelming somehow. It turns out that Mystique was probably still married to Xavier before he died (although thanks to Eva's intrusion, Xavier's will never mentioned the marriage anymore), and that Mystique still did those horrible things to Dazzler (pretty much used her a drug experiment). Dazzler (who is not so dazzling anymore with her new goth look) showed some compassion for Mystique and did not kill her, but instead she vowed to teach her a lesson--and then the issue just ends there. I don't fucking care what they do to Mystique anymore. I've lost any kind of investment on her character a long time ago. Like since she and Irene were finished. There are only so many times she can break my heart. MOVING ON!

Literally all I would say every time Mystique is on a page

The last issue was about the abandoned students of Scott's short-lived school program/revolution mission. These youngsters (plus the adult Hijack) decided to form their own team instead because no one said that they should be the new X-Men anyway. None of their previous mentors were there so they went on missions on their own to fight mutants who are causing trouble with the civilians. At first it worked out just swell--Goldballs even became an internet sensation (since he really learned to own his superhero name to the point where he screams it whenever he attacks, like a goddamn Pokemon or some shit). But the taste of freedom and fame have a price and during one mission, a few humans start egging on them, literally hitting Goldballs in the throat with a freaking glass shard of some sort, and the Steford sisters almost telepathically killed the attacker on the spot. They have never been faced with such a heated hatemongering assault from rabid anti-mutant assholes and of course they got scared shitless about it! The life of a mutant crime fighter is never glamorous. After realizing this, they all went to the Jean Grey school and Storm was only so willing to take them in because, OF COURSE WHY WOULDN'T SHE, THE MERCIFUL GODDESS THAT SHE IS?! All these standalone stories were enjoyable to read, except for the Scott one because GODDAMMIT, SUMMERS!

Now, for issue #600: a fifty-two paged loaded story that has one main plot all across the pages while sidestories were branched out across it. The main plot in question was about Present-Day Hank McCoy's intervention--oh, I'm sorry--TRIAL. Yes, his hubris is finally about to begin and take centerstage. Beast has really evolved--or devolved--into something unrecognizable, certainly not the one I love in the nineties cartoons. This erudite, level-headed and quirky scientist was such a warm presence back in the day, able to tickle us with his cleverness and sense of humor; someone who embodies values and principles and becomes the needed voice of reason for his compatriots. He worked both for the X-Men and the Avengers because he wanted to do more; he wanted to help and cure and discover awesome new things that could help the mutant race. And then, somewhere along the way, much like Scott Summers, he has lost that moral compass and he started doing questionable things, hiding behind his brilliance, justifying his atrocities by imposing intellectual superiority while nursing a hurt, envious ego usually directed at his old friend Scott. THOSE TWO DESERVE A PLACE IN INFAMY, I SAY. And it pains me to say it because I love Hank! I also kinda sometimes and often like Scott...on occasion. So seeing these two original X-Men just...being all over the goddamn place is...STRESSFUL! Look, I still feel for these boys but sometimes I just want to tell them off!

Storm alongside everyone like Kitty, Ilyana, Peter, Emma and Kurt all want to help him make amends but Hank is too blinded by rage and cowardice and kept pointing fingers at Scott--that it was all Scott's fault instead of claiming responsibility. Dude, Scott may have murdered Charles Xavier which is inexcusable, but YOU ARE TAINTING THE LEGACY OF YOUR DEAD MENTOR SO MUCH MORE THAN THE MURDER COMMITTED BY SCOTT HIMSELF! GOD! When Ororo Munroe tells you to get your shit together, you better get that shit together or else! So while this riveting discussion of Hank's assholery is going on, we get flashbacks of stuff that happen predating this intervention-trial, such as:

Young Bobby confronts Present-Day Bobby about their sexuality. Young Bobby came out as gay back in the All-New X-Men, thanks to Jean being a telepathic snoop, and now young Bobby feels the need to help his older counterpart deal with the fact that he is closeted. And guess what, Present-Day Bobby is, in fact, also gay! Um...I know I brought this up during that coming-out issue from ANXM but then decided to take it back anyway because I really wasn't ready to argue about it, but I feel like I should bring it up again because Bobby Drake has had relationships with women--a few of them I knew for a fact he genuinely loved. He had sex with those women. He had fallen in love with those women. He loved Kitty too. So, you know, I can buy young Bobby being gay but the current Bobby of this timeline? NO FREAKING WAY. How about he just came out as BISEXUAL? Would that be less of an empowering stance? Would that lessen his courage of coming out of the closet? BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS BISEXUALS ARE MYTHICAL CREATURES. You can only either be heterosexual or homosexual. Look, it just doesn't make any sense to me! It's clear that all the relationships Bobby had ever been with were all with females so he at least is capable of sexual and romantic attraction with them. Are you seriously telling me that he managed to fake and pretend his way through sex with them? None of these women were even aware that he is not into them that way at all? SERIOUSLY! I'm trying not to be a dick here but what's so wrong about Bobby Drake just coming out as BISEXUAL because his relationship history proves it?! Goddammit, I'm actually pretty pissed about this. I'm pissed because PD-Bobby just caved in like that and told his younger counterpart, "You're right, I'm a hundred-percent gay too and only like men" never mind the fact that he had been with women genuinely. So...basically, I'm supposed to believe those relationships are invalid then? That means that Bobby is not only lying to himself SO WELL AND EFFECTIVELY but also to these women whom he--you know what, fuck it. Whatever. I'm just...this review is going longer than I expected and I really need to trim my rants now.

My second rant is about young Jean Grey and Hank McCoy becoming the "official couple" while a young Scott looks on, forlorn and sad. I mean...I MEAN, clearly, CLEARLY it was demonstrated that SCOTT WAS THE ONE WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR JEAN during ANXM. She and Hank kissed once, and when shit went down and she asked for Hank to trust her, he didn't help her while Scott fully trusted her and ran away with her all because she asked. That's all she did, she asked and Scott had her back. What the fuck was Hank doing? He decided to stay behind to observe stuff going down because he's such a scientist and all that shit. I mean, really, Jean? REALLY? How can you still like Hank when he's so unreliable and Scott is clearly more able to express his feelings for you? Why do this, Bendis? Because getting Scott and Jean together is too much of a cliché? So for novelty's sake we're doing Jean/Hank now? Again, fuck it. I need to stop ranting or I may start popping blood vessels here from the rate I'm going. *takes a deep, deep breath and releases*

Other nice stuff happened like that Colossus-Kitty-Ilyana friendly reunion. Kitty is getting married in space and joining the Guardians of the Galaxy. PD-Scott did this nice thing at Washington DC where he gathered all the mutants just to be present as a race and THEY DID NOT START ATTACKING HUMANITY AT ALL even though that was what the foolish humans feared, which was a victorious and uplifting show of strength and union for the mutants, especially with Magneto coming in and gracefully calling it a truce with Scott in front of the public. It was nice. Here are the actual scans of those pages. Behold the awesomeness:

Bendis' run does end with some dread and even mild foreshadowing. Eva Bell is still around, traveling through time and whatnot, and I don't know what kind of shit she is capable of stirring up but I am not feeling optimistic at all about it. She vowed to keep an eye on Scott Summers after all, and to judge him accordingly. Meanwhile, Beast has left the school for good and is hiding somewhere and I have no idea what he intends to do next. Is it possible he might become the newest villain for the X-Men?

RECOMMENDED: 8/10

The Uncanny X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis, Volume 5

This....THIS! This has to be the crowning jewel of the entire series so far. Brian Michael Bendis' The Uncanny X-Men has really come so far from whatever forgettable trite that was its lackluster first volume. Anyone who decided to stop reading after that said volume is sorely missing out for the breadth and quality of the next stories that came afterwards. 

The last time I was this consistently stimulated and completely invested in the plot and character revelations of an X-Men title was during my readings and reviews of Joss Whedon's The Astonishing X-Men. In a way, this was continuation of that run, considering the central figure that dominates most of UXM material is Scott Summers a.k.a Cyclops, and it's in this volume that it was fully realized. Simply put, Volume 5: The Omega Sentinel is comprised of issues #26-31 and by all that is holy and Loki, I ate it all up like it's the most scrumptious serving of blueberry cheesecake! 

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

This fifth installment packs some dizzying punches to the face and gut, and picks up straight from the previous volume's climactic revelation about a very powerful mutant named Matthew Malloy, and how the late Professor X had done everything in his power to dampen and weaken Malloy's mutation because the alternative will destroy creation and all existence. At first, I wasn't convinced that we I should even give a fuck that a superpowered and out-of-control mutant is threatening the Marvelverse (YET AGAIN), but as the story deepened and Scott was placed in a position of great struggle and temptation, I was able to truly enjoy the narrative for what it is: a cautionary tale that was timely and relevant in regards to the events that have transpired since AVX, and has mold Cyclops so far from the young and hopeful idealist he started out with. Scott saw an opportunity to impart his newfound philosophy on Malloy, and took a chance to make him see that they are very much the same. 

Like Malloy, Scott had a destructive power he thought he could never live with. And together, they can help each other make the world a place where mutants don't have to walk on eggshells among humans and can finally be who they are, free of guilt and shame. 

The panels concerning Scott trying to get through Malloy were tinged with such sadness and yet with bravery and dignity as well that I was moved to near tears. To become a part of such insanity and suffering--to grow up unloved, unappreciated, misunderstood and exploited--to feel as if not even your own self can be trusted--this seemed to be the birthright and given calvary of powerful mutants of the past, those who are able to wield terrifying powers which eventually corroded them inside. Scott allows Malloy to dig through his mind and see for himself how Jean Grey, Magneto, Scarlet Witch, Apocalypse, etc. have all faced a breakdown of epic proportions--and how their tragic tales almost killed everyone in the world and transformed reality--and, most importantly--that Malloy DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ONE OF THEM. Scott is willing to show him another way even if he himself isn't sure which it would be. Nevertheless, he still believes there is no one else more suited for the role to become Malloy's mentor but him.

It's an interesting twist to see Magneto arriving right in the middle of this proposal, seeing as he's been absent during the reading of Xavier's last will and testament. Much more so when he opposed Scott's offer and tried to make Malloy see the error of Scott's ways and why she should never be trusted. This was pretty much the heart of the story but everyone else played vital roles in the sidelines. We have Magik (Ilyana) and Emma Frost who serve as Scott's closest associates. Ilyana has finally found the balance between her mutation and sorceress powers, thanks to the assistance of Dr. Strange, and she does everything she can to help Scott even if they disagree about his methods. Emma, on the other hand, still chose to stand by Scott even though their romance had been obliterated the Phoenix Force. She remained loyal to him, and her trust in his vision is often overwhelming, both to her and the others. Meanwhile, we have the young recruits in the secret Xavier School; teenagers who are forced to adapt and evolve even if there are some moral conundrums that are beyond their grasp. The notable one of them had to be Eva Bell who has the ability to control time.

Eva is growing up and becoming more opinionated if not altogether reckless. She expressed great disapproval over Scott's decisions, and her role in the resolution of the conflict for this story had been the most harrowing and dangerous. The Steford sister Celeste argued passionately to get her to restrain herself from getting actively involved in a fight that she shouldn't take over, but Eva has made up her mind and went back in time to warn Charles Xavier about Malloy, and to ask for help in preventing a disaster to occur in the present timeline. Xavier was unmoved for a while, disappointed and angry that an X-Man just violated the laws of the universe just to meet with him, but Eva was able to convince him afterwards, and with his help she effectively erased a timeline that proved to be detrimental.

See, Scott, Emma, and Ilyana all died after trying to save Malloy and also when they found themselves smacked in the middle of a crossfire with S.H.I.E.L.D. Emma died when Malloy tried to defend himself from her attack and her sudden demise angered Storm and she was about to be the next victim when Eva and Xavier began changing things via time travel. By having Xavier help him erase Malloy's existence in a way where he was never even born, everything in the present timeline was fixed--except of course what was already broken already to begin with. That is, Scott still killed Professor X. We get to be taken back to the new reading of Xavier's will and testament where there was no mention of his marriage to Mystique, or Malloy. Instead, he bequeaths the school to Scott. Before Scott could ever accept, he gets to talk to Eva one last time and their conversation made him realize he is not suited to become a mentor and so signs over the deeds of the Jean Grey school to Storm and then asks her to take in his students from the Weapon X facility.

It was a shocking turn indeed that a new character like Eva showed teeth and took matters in her own hands and basically rewrote a timeline. And there are SOOO MANY QUESTIONS that hopefully will get answered in the next volume. First of all, Mystique not being married to Xavier before his death. I assume she wasn't anymore? Or perhaps Xavier just didn't mention it in his will? If they were never married, does that mean Dazzler doesn't have to go after Mystique anymore because Raven never went crazy with grief over Xavier's death and therefore she did not build Madripoor or kidnap Dazzler to impersonate her? What? This is a subplot I need to know for sure is still happening. ANYWAY! This volume had been such a heck of a ride. I could hardly keep up. I was reading this at work and all I could do is do this:

When deep, deep within, I was going cuckoo for cocoa puffs like this:

I feel like giving this a perfect rating but then again I do have some issues about it a little bit. Also, I think I'm just going to hold off on my perfect ratings for this series for now. I can't help but feel that Bendis still has some tricks up his sleeve.

RECOMMENDED: 9/10

The Uncanny X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis, Volume 4

The one phrase I can accurately describe the fourth volume of Brian Michael Bendis' The Uncanny X-Men with is that it's been 'a series of escalations'. The previous volume was comprised of oneshots that are more or less independent of one another. It's something I immensely enjoyed but perhaps a more critical reader will find the lack of a unifying arc as wasteful. Luckily, Bendis answered that expectation by getting us back on track with The Uncanny X-Men Vs. S.H.I.E.L.D which ran from issues #19-25.

Since the events from AVX and Scott Summers' murder of Professor X, mutants relations with the government especially the S.H.I.E.L.D agency have been more tense than the usual, and this friction will ultimately play out for this volume's plot. Current head Maria Hill is hunting down Cyclops and his colleagues Emma Frost, Magik and Magneto, believing them as the new face of a more radical mutant revolution. Meanwhile, Scott has recruited young and promising mutants and, together with his colleagues, has been training them for combat and bringing them into missions. Essentially, The Uncanny X-Men allows readers to experience progress and evolution of Scott's new team of heroes, as well as sympathize with the struggles they have against their usual public enemies, both super-powered and human. This Bendis title started rather weak in its first debut but has steadily become an engrossing, exciting and well-crafted tale that's part-Shakespearean drama, part-coming-of-age story and part-political intrigue.

This fourth volume The Uncanny X-Men Vs. S.H.I.E.L.D probably serves as the climactic point of the series' narrative where chess pieces laid before in the previous volumes are finally coming out to play across the board. This include the ongoing strife and misunderstanding among Scott's team, Wolverine/Storm's school, and S.H.I.E.L.D. Whenever Scott's convictions and reputation, alongside his infringed team, are being questioned, the faculty and student body of the Jean Grey School of Higher Learning also take heat which is somewhat unfair when the X-Men have obviously been divided into two distinct factions since AVX and Xavier's death. To Maria Hill, that difference doesn't matter. Mutants have been engaging in more revolutionary phases that she and S.H.I.E.L.D want to limit as much as possible which only end up making things worse. Special Agent Hill even employed the assistance of one Alison Blaire (a.k.a Dazzler) as her mutant liaison which shape-shiffter on-and-off villainness Mystique took advantage of. She abducted Dazzler and posed at her for a good amount of issues. While stashed away, Alison's mutation was used to sustain a mutant growth hormone for the population of Mandripoor where Mystique created a new haven for mutants to roam free and indulge every whim. Magneto (who was battling his own demons after the death of his best friend) managed to rescue Alison from captivity and he agrees to help her take revenge on Mystique.

On the other hand, new kind of Sentinels are hunting down X-Men again, this time having the ability to suppress mutation while near vicinity. Magik is the only one who can defend them, considering she can tamper with her sorceress powers from Limbo, something she has been able to handle much better now, thanks to the tutelage of Dr. Strange. Hijack, a mutant recruit Scott let go of last time, came back to help them defeat the Sentinels and earn his place back in the program. The instigator behind this mass production of new Sentinels is no other than Dark Beast, much to Dr. McCoy's chagrin. Scott and Hank's friendship continue to deteriorate as well as Bobby's respect for Scott.

These two major conflicts (Sentinels vs X-Men vs S.H.I.E.L.D; and Dazzler's quest to get even with Mystique) have been interesting to follow with plenty of restrained exposition in favor of more action-oriented panels which I really preferred. The visual composition for this series has been one of the most recognizable and fun from all the MARVEL NOW! titles I'v encountered so far. There is also plenty of humor to be had in spite of the undermining seriousness of the situations which is really a trademark quality of any Marvel comic book. The most critical storyline for this volume, however, had to be the one with Charles Xavier's last will and testament. The build-up for that issue alone was palpable. Everyone can't agree if Scott Summers should be there but legal representative Atty. Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk) insisted and so after much debate, they fetched Scott from his secret school (Weapon X facility, much to Logan's understandable distaste). The youth were left at the secret school under Emma's care as Scott was accompanied by Magik back to the Jean Grey school. The last will and testament was a hologram and midway through the Professor revealing his greatest shame and secret (and NO, apparently it wasn't MARRYING MYSTIQUE BEFORE HIS DEATH), they had to take a break because it's so SURREAL TO SEE the Professor speaking again, granted it was only a projection. AND YES, XAVIER AND MYSTIQUE GOT IT ON. It was so...weird! I love the sibling relationship they had in the James McAvoy and Jennifer Lawrence versions (and I do ship them to a degree) but comics-Mystique and Xavier are...just weird together in a romantic context. BLEH. Magneto should have joined this gathering. I would love to see how he would react to this news.

Now everyone figures out why Mystique has gone off the rails after her husband's death. AND THE JEAN GREY SCHOOL MAY OR MAY NOT BELONG TO HER. Logan revealed that he signed back the property to Xavier before he died. So...the widow gets her late husband's possessions, right? Well, Storm ain't having that! But that upsetting news is just a sideshow.The real main attraction is the secret Professor was tackling concerning the mutant Matthew Malloy whose powers are so uncontrollable he can destroy everything in his path with just a single thought. Said adult Malloy has been seen in between pages causing disasters within close vicinity of him. And Xavier is begging the X-Men to help him and ensure he doesn't remember what he is capable of which meant all available psychics at their disposal must help repress Mallow's memories and put the strongest locks in that Pandora's box. As we have see at the end of this volume, they may be too late. Malloy looked like he embraced his fullest potential on that last panel. Also, it's worth mentioning that Scott has been slowly but surely adjusting properly to the fact that he had killed Xavier (well, not according to Bobby at least. He argued that Scott still keeps looking for an excuse to justify the murder). But it's still going to be a looooooong way to go before he gets absolved by everyone else...including by his own judgment.

Volume IV had been so magnificent and entertaining all throughout and I was so THRILLED to see Charles Xavier again in a pseudo-flesh presence or whatnot. I'm not even going to bitch about Magneto's startling absence and the severe lack of Cherik in this volume because that's how amazing the overall content of this volume had been. Hopefully, we will get Magneto again in the next volume since he had agreed to help Dazzler track down Mystique. In my headcanon, he'll find out about the marriage between Ravena and Charles and he will definitely have something to say about that trite affair. Can't wait for the next installment. SRSLY!

RECOMMENDED: 9/10

X-Men Vol. IV by Brian Wood issues #11-12

OHMYFUCKINGGOD ROGUE DIED IN THE Uncanny Avengers, a title I will be reading in my comics roster for next year. No wonder she was officially removed from Brian Wood's cast. AND I WAS JUST BEGINNING TO ENJOY HER AGAIN. She's my first love. My childhood favorite. And now she's dead, dead, DEAD! This was only brought to my attention because halfway through issue #11 of this series, Rachel said something about wishing that they could get Rogue back, and I thought they only meant she went on a sabbatical, or had other ongoing adventures with other mutants. BUT NO. She died in another title. Well, fuck that. But then again, it's only a matter of time. X-Men constants have been biting the dust lately. There was Jean Grey then Nightwalker, then Professor X and now Rogue and apparently Wolverine had also died recently (I'll be reviewing Wolverine and the X-Men as soon as I finish this). It's fine. I'm fine. Death comes for all of us even for fictional characters. It's okay. DC Comics' Damian Wayne taught me how to be strong, and his resurrection story in Peter J. Tomasi's Batman and Robin was one of daring hope but also a risky venture. If any of these dead X-Men do come back, I'd rather it'd be done respectfully and amazingly. If not, then they better just stay dead then. Dammit, I really don't want to begin this review with such dreadful news. 

But what is there to say about the last two installments for this arc anyway? Well, I have nothing to offer in this post but blatant abuse of Mean Girls quotes GIFs because I can't help but feel like the Sisterhood of Evil is an incarnation of The Plastics. You know what, LET'S JUST SAY IT IS. I'm going somewhere with this, just work with me here. Okay, so we have Lady Deathstrike transferring her consciousness to the heiress of a crime family named Ana Cortes. She then recruited Typoid Mary and Amora the Enchantress. For a while, their triad accomplished some things, mostly by stealing a copy of Arkea (WHO IS TOTES NOT FETCH), an alien infection thingamajit who is also the twin sister of hunky John Sublime (who may or may not have telepathically tango-ed with Rachel Grey, if you know what I mean). Why? Because mean girls can do anything, that's why! Deathstrike said something about power and prestige and world domination but meh. That's too generic of a reason. I feel like her grand motivation should have been like "BECAUSE I CAN AND I WILL, SO FUCK Y'ALL" because that would have been more acceptable, really. I probably would have cared more. Or not. WHATEVER.

So, Lady Deathstrike is Regina George and her army of skanks are Mary and Amora. Mary's the smart one (I think?) so she's Gretchen Wieners. She's Gretchen because I want Amora to be Karen Smith because Amora is a blonde too and I think she's also pretty dumb herself for joining the Sis of Evil anyway. For Odin's sake, she's an Asgardian! She should have standards or some shit.

Have some self-respect and stop being such a blonde, Amora!

ANYWAY, moving on. Once Lady Deathstrike acquired Arkea, Arkea totes possessed the body of her willfully ignorant best friend Reiko. This time, Arkea becomes the new Regina because she's more powerful and persuasive and intimidating when she's really such a GODDAMN CLICHÉ EXCUSE OF A SUPPOSED VILLAIN. Really, Brian Wood. Stop making Arkea happen because it's not going to happen. Arkea did grant Amora some powers again and Typoid Mary got a hold of her multiple personalities, but Lady Deathstrike realized she made a mistake awakening Arkea especially now that Arkea planned to subject her host body Ana Cortes into some freaky experiment. Who really knows. I wasn't paying attention anymore to the entire plot itself because the directions it's going are sporadic AND DID I MENTION MY INTEREST HAS DWINDLED INTO THE SIZE OF A GREEN PEA? Because it did. 

So back to Mean Girls. Arkea wants to recruit two new members for the Sis of E. The contenders are Selene Gallio, a.k.a The Black Queen and Madelyn Pryor. She was Scott Summers' ex-wife and a clone of Jean Grey (it was a weird time in the Claremont era, okay?). You gotta hand it to the Sis of E, though. They're consistently expanding their enterprise even though they're all catty bitches who hate each other and are only tied by alliances that mutually benefit their greedy, pitiful goals. Mean girls are all built the same way like that.

If by "lunch" you mean "world dominance and fuck-yeah power and death to the X-Men"

Where was I again? Oh right, Arkea wants to experiment on another girl's body. Not surprising. She did violate Karima's body before when this series began. A rapist has a pattern that way, you know. But I think Ana Cortes' consciousness switched back to her old self during this attempted rape, and in a desperate moment she stabbed herself in hopes that they won't be experimenting on her body WHICH DOESN'T MAKE BUTTLOAD OF SENSE because she's made it easier for Arkea to turn her into a vessel for someone else' thought consciousness since she essentially abolished herself. God, Ana, don't be such an Amora. If I were Ana, I would have stabbed Arkea's body instead. I mean, sure, the cunt will just transfer herself to another host body but the satisfaction of killing that pesky bitch with a knife on the boob is ultimately worth it. Why does Caesar Arkea get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of them try not to get squashed under her big feet?

BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT ROME THE SIS OF E IS ALL ABOUT! WE SHOULD TOTALLY JUST STAB CAESAR ARKEA!!!

Arkea got to experiment on poor Ana Cortes. And then Madelyn Pryor showed up with a new body. Or did they use Ana Cortes' body and modified her into a smoking redhead? YOU KNOW WHAT I didn't even care to look back on the previous pages to confirm it. Fuck it. So Maddie is here and Selena is here and the X-(wo)Men crash their initiation party in Japan and it was pretty great because I did like the ass-kicking Gretchen-Mary and Karen-Amora got from Psylocke and Monet respectively. And what of the X-(wo)Men? Well, I still like them as the heroines (not like I was given a choice since the villainesses are so crappy). Still, Storm, Rachel Grey, Monet, Psylocke and Karima are actually jiving well together now even if they still have their differences and probably won't work with each other unless the men are there to be ice-breakers. Srsly, where are the fucking men? There is so much estrogen drama here that if only Wood was a better writer then I never would have minded so much because estrogen drama runs in my veins. But hey, an all-girl mutant supeheroine team. Who doesn't want that? Also, nothing bonds women together than when they are trying to take out another group of women.

And YES, Gretchen Wieners is my favorite Mean Girls character. Fucking deal with it.

Madelyn Pryror with her hot new bod, together with Selene who really is just there for prop purposes because she hardly speaks AND WHO THE FUCK IS SHE ANYWAY?, were propositioned by Storm. The weather goddess offered them a truce, that they walk away for now and the X-(wo)Men will deal with them later since their target priority is Arkea anyway. Maddie has no problem with this. Selene is a pushover nobody so she agrees to do the same and leaves the scene. Arkea was pissed. But Maddie, armed with a fabulous new body without having to search for one herself, doesn't give a fuck that it was Arkea who gave it to her in the first place. Motherfucker doesn't even acknowledge the 'betrayal' on her part and she just waltz out of there like a champ. I enjoyed that. Thank you for embarrassing Arkea like that, Madz.

So sorreh, Arkea, but yeah YOU'RE  A WHORE. 

The X-(wo)Men got to apprehend Arkea with the help of her twin brother John Sublime. Apparently, he was able to destroy all copies of her globally so she won't infect any machine ever again. And then he invents a gun that can kill her. Karima did the honors and off-ed her. 

Yay, she's dead!

But the poor girl was a former law enforcement so becoming the assigned executioner (but she volunteered) was too much for her and even though Arkea had it coming, Karima felt like she needed to be a part of another team and so she decided to join Gabriel Shepard and Saber instead, just to get away from the X-Men drama for a while. Her friends easily accept this, knowing she deserves the break and some space. I'm happy for Karima for doing a brave thing. That couldn't be easy, turning her back on her friends but it was the healthiest option for her. 

There's also a Meanwhile story about Jubilee and the mutant teenagers taking on some Sentinels in the sea. Only thing that mattered there was that gay mutant Bling was able to resolve her issues with her crush who finally apologized for punching her and agrees to go out with her--but only as friends. For now. I don't know. But hey, progress! I really hope the next story arc would be more enjoyable than this shite.

SORTA RECOMMENDED: 6/10

EDIT: I have officially dropped this title. I just can't read any more of this. There are simply no characters I emotionally latch to or stories that I'm emotionally invested it. So forget it! I will just devote my time on The Uncanny X-Men and Wolverine and the X-Men instead.

X-Men Vol. IV by Brian Wood issues #9-10

I don't think Brian Wood's stories for X-Men: Vol IV are necessarily bad or bland, but they do lack that 'enticement factor' which is present in other X-titles. As well done as the visual work has been so far, and as straightforward and comprehensible his plots have been at this point, this title is just not something I look forward to reading, let alone compose an in-depth review of. The crossover issues about Battle of the Atom have been interesting enough, but it also cost Kitty Pryde's  appearance here in his next stories, and, of course, the absence of my childhood favorite is noted as well which leads to some inevitable soul-searching on my part. 

Look, this is a serious question: WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE MY ROGUE BACK? It's like she's irrelevant now. I miss the nineties because most of my experience in its comics roster for X-Men featured her, even if not heavily. Those small doses of her appearances and participation in the stories were always treasured by me, and I really thought Brian Wood was going to keep her around because I was actually glad to see a Rogue who enjoys siphoning other mutants' powers not for any kind of malicious intent but for good, honest fun, like that time in issue #4 with Psylocke which is coincidentally the best issue Wood has written so far. Why can't Wood just write something like that again?

To replace Rogue, he instead had another brawny lady (Monet) who is originally part of the Incredible Hulk canon. I thought her petty rivalry with Jubilee was amusing enough, but I don't know this character at all and nor am I interested in getting to know her either. I JUST WANT ROGUE BACK. Well, enough pointless whining then, and let's talk about issues #9-10 which are the continuing adventures of Lady Deathstrike, Typoid Mary and Enchantress, otherwise known collectively as the Sisterhood of Evil. It has to be said that the villainesses of this story apparently have their act together and are actually working as a team with different desires yet mutually beneficial goals that enable them to function together to defeat the X-(wo)Men. The same thing cannot be said for the latter. Storm and Rachel Grey have finally stopped fighting over who is to become the leader. Instead, Rachel had a 'moment' with John Sublime. I have never seen this physically manifest in the panels in the previous issues but I'm assuming it was also telepathic, considering Rachel's powers and Sublime being a thought consciousness type of alien. Their could-have-been romance was unfortunately squashed because Sublime is focused on stopping his vengeful twin sister Arkea who by now has a a different target--the X-(wo)Men. God, Arkea, could you be more cliché? I have no idea what she plans to do with tracking down Madelyn Pryor (so she's alive? Did not know this) nor am I that interested to find out.

Arkea is running the show now after she was freed by Lady Deathstrike. She took over her assistant Reiko's body and is now giving commands to the other members of the Sisterhood. She restored Amora the Enchantress powers after they were stripped by Thor, and helped Mary merge her split personality once and for all. I forgot if she ever did anything for Lady Deathstrike--maybe permanently instill her consciousness in Ana Cortes' meat suit for good--whatever. I'm not even sure Arkea still wanted Karima or if any of these villainesses still want to target her. I suppose Karima belongs to the X-(wo)Men so most probably they also want to kill her. This was why Storm was adamant to destroy any other replicates of Arkea around the globe. Oh yeah, did I fail to mention there are replicates of her? She did crash-land from a meteor after all and that meteor has remnants of her and said remnants were close to the ocean where several dormant Sentinels got brought back to life, being controlled by Arkea. Jubilee with some of the teenage students (has Wolverine approved this spontaneous field trip?) try to stop these Sentinels and that's how issue #10 ends with Pixie and Bling attacking head-on, never mind that there are no adults. Also, Quentin Quire failed to stop Arkea and that's just embarrassing. The Phoenix Force is watching, Q. Are you worthy of it?

Also, and this is so important, I hate Arkea. I really do. Not only is her role in this story keeping it from becoming interesting, and adding the fact that she's so rigidly characterized by Wood, her only real definitive quality is that she's the cliché that cliché pooped and made sentient. I don't care about her endgame. She wanted revenge on her brother. When she couldn't accomplish that, she set her sights on the X-(wo)Men instead. Seriously, go back to space and stop making Arkea happen, Arkea. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

The same thing goes for you, Mr. Wood!

I'm going to lower my rating for these two issues, mostly because I now expect something more complex to be developed from this. After all, I'm growing steadily weary, if not bored, of the way Wood is handling his story and his characters. No one here is having their spotlight or any kind of indication that it's their time to shine. Everyone has been consistently mediocre as both heroines and villainesses. At this point, I probably should start reading the third volume for Bendis' The Uncanny X-Men. At least Arkea isn't there. Srsly, fuck that bitch.

KINDDA SORTA RECOMMENDED: 6/10

X-Men Vol. IV by Brian Wood issues #7-8

I won't be reviewing issues #5-6 anymore which were the crossover issues for Battle of the Atom because I'm not really in the mood to re-visit what happened there because I can't honestly remember anything about those issues and I don't feel compelled to find out again. I remember enjoying that story arc very much, though, and that Shogo, Jubilee's adopted son, will grow up to become another superhero which is relevant, I suppose. So let's jump to the second volume for X-Men Vol IV featuring a brand new though not so new as well, villainess named Lady Deathstrike whom some of you may already know. She had a cinematic counterpart in the second X-Men film of the original franchise (played by Kelly Hu) so that hopefully jogs your memory. For those who read the comics, they know that she's Yuriko Oyama, and probably Wolverine's arch-nemesis of the sort. She's got the adamantium steel in her as well as other genetic enhancements and has worked her way as a mercenary for hire. On her last encounter with the X-Men, her body was destroyed, and now her consciousness was somewhat transferred into the unsuspecting body of one Ana Cortes, who also turned out to be the heiress to a crime family-empire so not too shabby, Yuriko-san, not too shabby at all. With a new body and some face paint, Lady Deathstrike set her eyes on a new prize; acquiring both the previous villainess Arkea and former Omega Sentinel Karima. To accomplish this, she employs the help of Typhoid Mary and Echantress.

For this particular story arc, we have artists Terry Dodson and Barry Kitson working on the visuals and I definitely enjoy the color and composition of their panels. Bendis' focal narrative on Lady Deathstrike was interesting enough. It's great to see that everything about this title remains female-centric, including the bad guys (girls?). I don't really think it's pandering especially to someone like me who barely take notice of gender in my comics unless it's either excellently front-runned or abysmally upsetting. For Brian Wood's run, the jury is still out, although I'm immensely enjoying myself for this current story arc. It was great to see Karima again, now fully conscious and eager to get her life back after it was infected by Arkea, the alien parasite who came to Earth to murder her twin brother John Sublime in revenge because she's a cliché that way. Lady Deathstrike, however, had other plans, and that involved using Arkea for her own means, ignoring the loud protests of John Sublime himself. Lady Deathstrike may prove to be trying to tame forces that are beyond her ken, but I'm eager to see what kind of clusterfuck will that lead to, and how the X-women will fix the mess. I think it's worth mentioning that Kitty Pryde has officially left after the events in Battle of the Atom. She now has to train the OCF who just traveled from the past in Bendis' other title All-New X-Men. She will be missed.

There's a side story here regarding the mutant students where Jubilee was involved in. A female student Bling/ Roxy just asked out a fellow female student was totally insensitive about it and punched Bling in the face. Jesus fuck, that wasn't very nice of her. Being a mutant is hard enough. Try being gay at that too. Anyway, Bling kisses Jubilee which was quite nice. It was all very Degrassi High or something which I can live with as I read this because a nice commercial break from all the deadly action so readers can check out the daily lives of teenage mutants is...necessary? I don't know. I wasn't upset by it. I thought it was pretty cute.

I do find it odd that Wolverine has yet to take part in all this drama. Lady Deathstrike is his foe. Do we keep him busy while all of this is happening since, after all, this title is about the ladies taking over cases and challenges as they find a way to be a unit? How is that accomplished exactly? Not the ladies fighting as a unit because I know they are more than competent to do that. But the one about Wolverine being out of the loop here as Lady Deathstrike wreaks havoc. Well, Wolverine is assigned to handle the delinquents of their school in the other title Wolverine and the X-Men. What's the matter then? Is Quentin Quire enough in keeping Wolverine far too busy for him to notice? 

RECOMMENDED: 7/10

X-Men Vol. IV by Brian Wood issues #3-4

There was nothing really special about the third issue of of this series, which is the conclusion of the first story arc Primer. The so-called villain of the story was Arkea, the alien Subtle's twin sister whom he overpowered and pushed during utero or something (because he's a dickhead, I'm assuming). Due to that homicidal negligence, Arkea piggybacked using an orphan human boy to track down her brother in Earth, and then she proceeded to possess machines (particularly Omega Sentinel Karima) because she's so original, and then she tried to kill the X-Men because they were in her way of vengeance. What a fucking cliche. The only real dramatic thing that got to me was that Karima was able to regain control of her body and offered to sacrifice herself to save them all. And that Storm actually considered that an option, much to Rachel Grey's chagrin. I like Karima back in Claremont's Excalibur Vol. III so I do hope she will be revived. For now, they neutralized Arkea, kept the baby Shogo safe, and still salvaged Karima's body. All in the day's work.

The fourth issue, however, was a very substantial installment that truly took its time focusing on characterizations and relationships. Divided between a rescue mission for the ladies, and Jubilee's lunch date with big-brother mentor Wolverine as they brought Shogo along, this was a wonderful well-written piece that explored how the daily grind must be like for people like the X-Men who take what they can get from a world that never stops trying to bring them down. The flow of the narrative and the transition among scenes were deftly accomplished, and Coipel's illustrations are growing on me especially those that featured Jubilee's panels with Wolverine as they have a great time just catching up and taking care of the baby; which were then heavily contrasted by the more action-oriented scenes featuring Rogue, Kitty and Betsy. Rogue, particularly, is enjoying her siphoning of Psylocke's powers. I have never seen her have such crazy fun like this, and it was a nice change because Anna Marie had always been so cautious and a little resentful of her siphoning abilities especially when certain assholes would force her to absorb powers (and memories) she would rather not. So seeing Rogue goofing around but still saving people put a smile on my face for at least a solid hour after reading about it. She'll always be my childhood favorite after all.

And as I enjoy Kitty, Betsy and Rogue just being awesome superheroine-gal pals together, the same cannot be applied to Storm and Rachel Grey who are definitely butting heads. Rachel was not happy that Storm was taking the reigns in their team, particularly when she believed that Ororo doesn't deserve the leadership role to begin with. After all, Storm did not even hesitate when she considered having Karma killed if that's what it took to stop Arkea. This doesn't sit well with everyone but Rachel was the only one who was willing to speak up about it, and it was great for her to question Storm, and I love this new dimension to Storm where we see her also becoming more brutal and less trusting of the world much like Scott now as the leader of the new mutant revolutions. Both are world-weary veterans who have been through so much to still believe in the best of things. That being said, Rachel did get through Storm and she eventually does accept that she shouldn't just boss them around and must be willing to work with them as a team player. Just like Rogue, Storm is a favorite, so I believe in her.

Meanwhile, Wolverine tries to buy Jubilee's childhood home behind her back as a surprise gift and it was all kinds of sweet and nice especially after he promised to look out after Shogo as well. Now, I'm not really that confident about Jubilee's newfound role as an adoptive mother, mostly because of my own issues about motherhood in general. I trust that she will do her best and that she does have other people who can help her raise the kid, but I'm pretty nervous and dreadful of the potential screw-ups along the way (which is why I WILL NEVER become a mother). In a way, I admire Jubilee for taking on the responsibility, but I'm also worried about her and the child's safety which will never be guaranteed, not as long as he's with the X-Men. But hey, if any group of people can make it and make the most of a bad situation, it's the X-Men. It takes a while but they always adjust. So I sure hope things won't get too worse soon. 

Well, issues #5-6 are the Battle of the Atom crossovers so Shogo's future was pretty much revealed there. I won't be reviewing those two anymore since I've finished them already and my thoughts about them are in the overall review of the collected series itself.

RECOMMENDED: 7/10

X-Men Vol. IV by Brian Wood issues #1-2

I've been wondering where all the other ladies at--especially the fan-favorite ones--and this title series answers that question. Written by Brian Wood and illustrated by Olivier Coipel, it stars an all-female cast fronted by Storm, Rachel Grey, Kitty Pryde, Psylocke, Rogue and Jubilee. I know it seemed odd that they didn't just re-brand this title into something other than the generic "X-Men" one. I've been aware for a while that there is an ongoing MARVEL NOW! title about all the X-heroines but I couldn't for the life of me figure out which one was it until I googled it properly. So why not renamed this title into 'X-Women' or something like that? From what I know, 'X-Men' is one of oldest titles of the Marvelverse and, in technical terms, this will be the fourth roster released from it since the sixties. Hence, the original title for this particular relaunch should be "X-Men Vol. IV" and that is why I'm labeling my titles with that tag from now on.

And no, I really don't know why they didn't just re-brand this and maybe it doesn't matter. After all, two issues in and I was enjoying myself. I was happy to see Rogue because she's been my childhood favorite from the beginning and I haven't had many opportunities to read about her being awesome since I started my X-Men comics diet. On the other hand, I've been so in love with Kitty Pryde since The Astonishing X-Men and her pivotal role in the Days of Future Past collection, so seeing her working with the other gals was so cool. Storm and her Mohawk are here too which was grea although I wish she'd be able to contribute more to the next stories of this series than just stand there, looking glorious and queen-like (which she really does a great job at, mind you). Rachel Grey and Psylocke, who are awesome psychics, are meshing pretty well together too (though I miss the nineties Psylocke look, to be honest). But the real heroine of this story arc Primer is Jubilation Lee, one of Wolverine's teenage protégé and supposedly the kid that children will relate to in the cartoons, X-Men: The Animated Series. 

I don't really have strong feelings of either fondness or dislike over Jubilee, and her character did go through a lot of weird shit--the weirdest one had to be when she became a vampire...or something. It's as weird as it gets. So this story arc was about her rescuing a baby from an orphanage that was bombed. She traveled back to the States to seek refuge from the Jean Grey School of Higher Learning but was being stalked by a man the entire time. When she managed to reconvene with her friends, some peculiar disaster happened en-route, mostly due to the kid who somehow possesses powers. Thanks to teamwork, Kitty, Storm and Rogue were able to wrap things up and get Jubilee and the baby to safety while Rachel and Betsy confront the man who had been stalking Jubilee. It was no other than Subtle, one of the X-Men's alien villains in the old days. He started talking about his twin sister and how she is out for revenge because he cast her out during fetal stage or something like that. Said vengeful twin had piggybacked with the baby and now she found a better body to possess and its no other than Karima, Omega Sentinel whom I was well-acquainted with since she played some vital role in Chris Claremont's Excalibur Vol. III.

Apparently, Subtle's twin sister named Arkea can hack machines and use them (god, so original) and she attacked Beast and Rogue in the laboratory while wearing Karima. Kitty would have killed her easily; all she needed to do was to phase through Karima, but Kitty was concerned that their friend may still be in there somewhere so she restrained herself. Unfortunately, Arkea got away, but Subtle promised to help them stop her. Jubilee, meanwhile, named the baby Shogo and is now fully responsible of him. She was more than excited to be a single mother. And that's what happened in the first two issues. The third installment is going to be the conclusion of this arc. I like how everything is going so far so I'm reserving any harsher judgments. It's not that amazing but neither is it completely terrible. I'm giving it a solid 7 for now.

RECOMMENDED: 7/10