All-New X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis #29

JESUS. FUCK. I've really started to care less about whatever is happening in this title since issue #26 started. I'm still hungover from the two major crossover events that were burdened by this title; respectively Battle of the Atom and The Trial of Jean Grey (the former was brilliant yet imperfect; the latter was bland and pointless). Reading the sixth volume of ANXM where these issues are placed is quite literally painful for me to peruse--and that's coming from someone who absolutely adored this series when it first started. Now that adoration is slowly turning into impatience. 

As I've pointed out before in my critical review of The Trial of Jean Grey story arc, Bendis is rehashing things that are by this point played out such Jean Grey being the centerpiece of events while the rest of the OCF have nothing of practical use to contribute (aside from Scott WHO JUST FREAKING LEFT to travel space. Now with this short piece concerning the Brotherhood from the future, Bendis thankfully wrapped it up nicely by revealing that the rest of this so-called Brotherhood (specifically Beast, Deadpool, re-animated Iceman, and Molly) were being controlled by none other than Charles Xavier II. 

Only his half=brother Raze (shapeshifting, claw-having love child of Mystique and Wolverine) was safe from this manipulation since he freely agreed to help 'baby Xavier' (how disgusting is this nickname for Charles' bastard son with Mystique?) by time-traveling REPEATEDLY to make multiple attempts to KILL JEAN GREY. Because that's the ultimate goal, isn't it? Every other X-Man is irrelevant, really. Just there for the extra space in the pages and whatnot/

Honestly, I never thought I'd say this but...AGAIN WITH JEAN GREY? Anyway, I've stated before that we need to focus on Bobby, Warren and Hank next time and just put Jean in a corner somewhere, preferably in a self-imposed comatose, if that's the only way we can have access to the other OCF members who should have their own character-centered issues by this point in this series. This is, after all, All-New X-Men and not All-New Jean Grey. It's bad enough teen Scott left and we will never find out the adventures he's having with his dad Corsair. Other than Jean, he gets some character time at least and I'm really going to miss him. He hasn't interacted meaningfully with his older self yet which defeated the purpose of putting him in the same timeline as radically changed adult Cyclops. I was expecting some great moments between these two dorks and I got nothing in the end.

Instead, we got that creepy moment with adult Cyke and teen Jean which was uncomfortably AND NO ONE ASKED FOR since it was almost crossed that line. Thankfully, adult Scott didn't let his lust get the better of him or he may have just ended up making out with a sixteen-year-old version of his dead wife. Thank god this isn't Ultimate X-Men or anything because we all know that shit would probably happen in Ultimate. I mean, in Ultimate, the Maximoff twins got their incest on as their bio-dad Wolverine watched in the shadows...so it won't be a leap if that title got a thirty-something Scott hooking up with sixteen-year old Jean. So, basically, what I'm saying is FUCK ULTIMATE X-MEN.

No, wait. That's not my point. Jesus fuck, I'm too irritated to type a review logically at this point. All you need to know is that ''baby Xavier" is an asshole who wanted to avenge his father's death and...I don't know. I'm not really sure I understood his character motivation and twisted intentions. I cared little about his internal struggle because it was barely nuanced. All I really know about him is that he looks exactly like Charles Xavier, he's a powerful telepath too, he has daddy issues, he hates the X-Men and he wants to kill Jean Grey. That's as one-dimensional and cliché as you can get from a villain. Worst, I DON'T EVEN SEE MAGNETO AROUND to react to the fact that his late best friend had a son who looked exactly like him and is now in murder rampage. Goddamn you, Marvel and Bendis. Wasn't there a memo since Claremont days that specifically dictates that Professor X and Magneto and anything related to their relationship must have some page time allotted to their piles and piles of angst and unrequited "frriendship"? It's a crime not to sprinkle some Cherik when it's a necessary ingredient.

It just doesn't make sense why Magneto is not a part of this arc! He's the only member missing from Cyke's Dream Team. Where the hell is he? What X-title did you conveniently put him in while this attack on the secret bunker is happening? It would have been so interesting to see him react to the second-rated version of Xavier. The more I type out my opinion in this review regarding what I just read, the more annoyed I getting by now. Look, the issue wrapped up some glaring plotholes from Battle of the Atom by revealing that Xavier II was behind all this. Jean (OF COURSE IT HAD TO BE JEAN) managed to knock him out long enough for them to send him to S.H.I.E.L.D (but oh no, that wouldn't be the end of it yet because his version from the future will time travel again and again and again and again....). And then they sent back the rest of the future X-Men to their own timeline. Wait...how are they able to do that AND NOT SEND BACK OCF to their own timeline as well? Why is the time-space continuum suddenly showing favoritism over which group of mutants get to go home and which ones can stay? IT DOESN'T MAKE FUCKING SENSE!!! How come they're not stuck in the present timeline like the OCF either? They time-traveled multiple times already and that should leave not just a tear but a gaping wound in the continuum--

--fuck this! I'm done trying to analyze crap. At least Doctor Who tries to come up with a creative explanation for their time paradoxes!

Lastly, WHAT A STUPID COVER. It was so useless and completely insubstantial to the content of this issue except for the fact that at the end of this story, we see that Warren used adult Cyke's bike to take Laura (X-23) out on a date because she refused to be carried around as they fly in the sky. Since teen Scott is gone, I guess Laura is now being paired with Angel. Makes sense. Now Hank and Jean can hook up in peace, and Bobby can continue on being a supplier for one-liner comedy, and nothing moves forward.

Originally, I was actually going to rate this with a pitiful and passable 6 out of 10 stars but after talking about, it's clear that it doesn't even deserve that because JESUS FUCK THIS ISSUE WAS SO STUPID AND A WASTE OF MY TIME.

NOT RECOMMENDED:

All-New X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis #28

I gotta be honest, people. My previous review for issue #27 (which I turned into a sparkling script regarding the general summary for what has happened in Brian Michael Bendis' All-New X-Men so far) made me realize that I'm getting a little annoyed with what I'm reading by now. This title will always have a place in my heart but right now it also feels like I have clogged arteries because of it, likely due to an unhealthy diet.

Is it possible to love something you're also beginning to hate just a teensy bit because the relationship you have with is is stuck in a certain place you don't want to be in? Well, All-New X-Men has answered that question with a resounding, "Fuck, yes, bub" since it made me endure that useless crossover story of The Trial of Jean Grey. Once I've opened my eyes to its weaknesses, I can never close them again, not when it hasn't improved with its current arc about the Brotherhood from the future making yet another strenuous comeback. 

In Battle of the Atom, Jean Grey and Xorn Jean from the future where zeroed in amidst the chaotic battles around them, and it was great. Now we have Charles Xavier II as the lead villain of the story, with events told from his perspectives and flashbacks, and he is everything that was wrong about Professor X in those off moments that X is an asshole himself. So far, Charlie II possessed grand posturing and self-entitlement that are only rivaled by his half-brother, the shape-shifting, and Wolverine-clawed Raze who is the love child of Logan and Raven, understandably. That was weird but not entirely impossible. I can totes see them having angry, cathartic sex, then never speaking about it.

What did shake me to my core is how this issue opened with a pregnant Moira MacTaggert about to give birth. Only it wasn't Moira. It was Mystique disguised as Moira. And she was impregnated by Xavier himself. I had to stop reading for a couple of minutes just to wrap my head around that revelation. In an earlier issue, Mystique told teen Scott that she respected and admired Charles and that in his death, she felt there was no purpose to fight for mutantkind. So I know she has developed fond feelings for Chuck somewhere along a comic book I have never read. Besides, I like the movie-canon version of the two of them being stepsiblings and growing up together. I really thought Bendis was going for that angle too. But nooooo. Apparently, Mystique became Moira and fucked Charles, and now she had his baby but she has to give away because it hurt too much to see the kid because Charles is dead and she was in love with him all this time. Whut? Whut? Really, WHUT?

I had no words that could sufficiently express my indignation about this and how deeply weirded out I was while also feeling kindda deliriously giddy about it because I kinda-sorta half-ship JenLaw and McAvoy as Raven and Charles in the movies, but seeing a fulfillment of that for these versions of those characters in this comics title just...feels creepy somehow, so all I could afford is an expression akin to this one:

I'm shocked and bored all at once?

Later on, as Charlie II and the rest of the Brotherhood from the future attack the secret bunker of Scott and his Dream Team, we get more fleshed-out moments about his past where he tried to see his mother Mystique, only to find out that his half-brother Rave has killed her and has been posing as her ever since. They talked it over and then decided they have to do something about the Original X-Men who stayed in a timeline they don't belong in. Charlie II brainwashed a weary and still guilt-ridden Beast and then had other mutants join his cause, possibly also manipulating them, including Xorn Jean Grey (I'm not sure, I hope tthat in the next issue this would be clarified).

So Charlie II took over a Steford sister (Mindee) and then everyone gets a bad acid trip while Emma and Scott were able to hide themselves using the White Queen's own telepathy. Teen Jean Grey was not so lucky. She now had to face the full force of Charlie II's power. On the plus side, they failed to kill the group's healer Christopher who can conveniently also heal himself. Good on you, man. Outside, X-23 woke up and healed from the stab wound Raze's inflicted and immediately comes to the rescue for her team. And that's how the issue ended. I don't know how to feel right now. On one hand, I still look forward to what happens and how our heroes will get away, and if the Brotherhood of the Future will be successful in whatever they are fighting for. Before, it was to send back the OCF. Now that option was out of the table because the time-space continuum has fractured so badly. So...they want to kill Jean Grey now. But how does Xorn Jean feel about that? She barely said nothing as she just mindlessly went to work under Charlie II's orders. I just...feel so empty inside while reading this.

Is Legion still around? You know, the first bastard son of Xavier by Gabrielle? I would like to see him and Charlie II have a face-off of some sort. Maybe it'd be interesting. There's now a quality of mind-numbing entertainment for this story arc that makes me feel as if I'm just going through the motions...which is a circle. Since Battle of the Atom, ANXM has been stuck in the same kind of clusterfuck without achieving a satisfying payoff for readers like me. And the fact that it's not moving forward with anything substantial is frustrating. We get a rehash from the past stories that should have no more room to be revisited at this point. Dear god, Bendis just let this play out one last time and then we can move on to something else, okay? Less focus on Jean and more on the other OCF from now on. Also, bring teen Scott back ASAP.

RECOMMENDED: 6/10

All-New X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis #27

Previously in All-New X-Men:

Beast: I'ma die this time so might as well time-travel because I'm feeling nostalgic and Scott's a dick so I'ma punish him.
Original X-Men: WHUUTT?! A MUTANT GENOCIDE!? Then we must haste to the future!
Teen Scott: What do you mean I'm the fascist leader of a mutant revolution?
Teen Bobby: Scott can't be the bad guy. He's too vanillla for that shit-- *sees future self and screams*
Teen Jean: HOLY SHIT I'M A PSYCHIC NOW!
Wolverine: WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID YOU DO, McCOY??!! *gets knocked out by newly telepathic teen Jean*
Kitty: I'm dating present-Bobby but past-Bobby annoys me so much! Also, I wanna honor Xavier somehow so I'll take full responsibility of the teens and hope for the best.
*then things get ultimately worse*

[Original X-Men meets Present-day Scott with Magneto and Magik while recruiting. PD Scott's hilarious inner monologue ensued. Teen Jean zapped him angrily via telepathy. PD Scott and Mags bounced out.]

L       A       T       E       R    ...

Beast: I'ma dying now...
Teen Jean: Let me get inside your mind to help you!
Beast: K. Btw, wanna see your future?
Teen Jean: K! *mind explodes upon seeing adult self's experiences and deaths*

L       A       T       E       R    ...

Beast: I'm alive, yo! False alarm. But still have no regrets bringing back the original X-Men.
Wolverine: Fuck off, Hank. Now time to go home, brats.
Teen Jean: HELL NO. i saw some shit! So now we're staying and we're gonna make some changes. 
Teen Scott, Hank and Bobby: K!
Teen Warren: NOT K. I wanna leave.

L       A       T       E       R    ...

Teen Scott: *angst-ing so hard, runs away, meets Mystique then gets babysitted by Wolverine*
Teen Jean: I can hear everyone's thoughts!!! Make it stop!!!
Teen Bobby: *one comedic punchline after another*
Teen Warren: Why won't anyone tell me what happened to my future self?! *meets future self and gets really creeped out*

L       A       T       E       R    ...

Present-day Scott: Join me, brothers and sisters and together we will make a new world.
Wolverine: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU WISH I COULD KILL YOU I'M GOING TO KILL YOU NOW, SLIM *he doesn't*
Teen Warren: I don't want to be here anyway so I'm gonna join the cool kids.
Teen Jean: *uber control freak mode* WARREN, GO TO YOUR ROOM.
Steford sisters: Bitch, you didn't just abuse your powers!
Emma Frost: Girl better learn that shit ain't gonna fly. Also, I've always hated her.
Storm: Stop fighting on the Krakoan lawn, dammit!
One epic telepathic battle after...
Magneto: I'm disappointed in you, young lady. Charles would've been too.
Warren: Yeah, fuck you, Jean. Byyyyeee, everyone!

L       A       T       E       R    ...

Jean: *for about four more issues* I'M SO CONFLICTED AND POWERFUL AND A TEENAGE GIRL AND I SAW MY FUTURE I CAN HEAR EVERYONE IN MY HEAD I LIKE TO SNOOP AROUND THEIR HEADS BUT I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT IT BUT NOT REALLY I CAN'T BE WITH SCOTT I JUST KISSED HANK BUT WAIT SCOTT TRUSTED ME AND HANK DIDN'T I'M CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD DO NOW SOME FUTURE SELVES OF OURS SAID WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE STAYED FUCK THIS WHY IS EVERYONE AFTER ME WHY DOES THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO ME FUCKING PHOENIX FORCE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING ANYMORE HELP ME NO I WILL SAVE ALL OF YOU I'M JEAN GREY AFTER ALL AND I AM EVERYTHING THAT THIS COMICS TITLE IS ALL ABOUT--!
Xorn Jean from the Future: *drops by unexpected* Yo, baby girl. I'm you. Shut the fuck up and let me take you home so time can be rewritten again from where I came from--
Charles Xavier II: --which is a bleak future and we have no other choice but to remedy the past or we suffer. By the way, did I fail to mention that we're not really the X-Men of the future. We're the Brotherhood. Oh, I didn't? Well, Scott killed my father and you all did nothing about it so for that alone, YOU ALL DESERVE TO SUFFER! Huzzah! *telepathically attacks them all*
Real X-Men from the Future: We came here to beat your asses, Brotherhood! We got mustached Colossus, adult Jubilee and her full-grown son, and Storm's daughter!
Storm: Daughter?
Brotherhood from the Future: Yeah, well, we have Xavier's son and Wolverine's love child with Mystique, Raze!
Raze: *morphs from adult Kitty and stabs Wolverine in the stomach* Hello, daddy.
Wolverine: WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK?!
Deadpool: Also, Deadpool's here, you cunts!! And I'm an X-Man!
Wolverine: ....
Xorn Jean from the Future: Time for some existential breakdown plus some heavy-loaded psychic confrontation between you and I, self! First, lemme dispose of bitch-queen Emma and her skanks then I'm all yours. *three pages later* Okay, I'm back.
Teen Jean: You can't be me! I can't possibly have gotten that crazy in the future!
Xorn Jean from the Future: Have you met us, Jeanie? There's no other road for us but INSANITY and DESOLATION, my love! *proceeds to beat the shit out of teen Jean, justifying it's tough love*
Teen Scott and Present-Day Scott: NO, JEAN! Not the love of our life!

[Epic, personal battles of clusterfucky proportions ensued among everyone]

Brotherhood from the Future: WE CAN'T SEND THE ORIGINAL X-MEN BACK!! But fuck it, let's just kill everyone anyway!
*instead, the Brotherhood all die later...only not really [spoilers]*
Kitty: *had enough of this shit* Oh, for fuck's sake! We suck at everything now. And I feel betrayed and distrustful of my old friends. So, goodbye, I'm making an ironic statament and joining Scott because my bestie Illyana is there. Coming, teens?
Original X-Men: You bet your ass, Professor K!

L       A       T       E       R    ...

Purifiers: WE'RE HERE TO CLEANSE THE HUMAN RACE FROM MUTIES IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD--

Teen Jean: Nope! *attacks them telepathically, laying them to waste*

L       A       T       E       R    ...

Shi'ar Empire: Jean Grey, you stand accused for the sins committed by your future self as the Phoenix which we know is a fundamentally flawed reasoning but fuck it, it needs to be done because we are stupid and desperate and we need to make a crossover story with..
Guardians of the Galaxy: 'sup, y'all! Please support our movie!
Teen Scott: This sucks. I'll run away with my daddy to space now and have a nice life for once! *he does*

L       A       T       E       R    ...

Teen Jean: NIGHTMARES! Woe is me yet again!
Present-day Scott: *pops out of nowhere at her door like a creeper* I'm here for you, Jeanie.
Teen Jean: Oh, thank you, thirty-something-year-old version of my crush, and whom I'm going to marry when I grow up. Here, let me hold your hand. I'm so alone and petrified and you're such a sweet, sweet man *doe-eyed stare*
Present-day Scott: Nope. This can't happen. I love you and you're beautiful and it always aches to be around you but I'm an adult and you're just a kid, and I can't give in! *walks out of her room, dignified*
Kitty: *mentally mock-clapping Scott from a corner* Very proud of you. But next time don't just come inside the room of a vulnerable sixteen-year-girl without adult supervision. And by adult supervision, I mean my phased fist inside your face!

L       A       T       E       R    ...

X-23: I'm only here because I was crushing on teen Scott so I stayed for him but he's gone now so I'm leaving too. Nobody cares anyway...
Warren: Wait, fair lady, it is I--
X-23:  LIKE I SAID, NOBODY CARES! *walks away and gets stabbed by Raze*
Raze: *as a shape-shifted, bleeding X-23; struggles inside the secret bunker to deceive the X-Men* Help me, my friends. We're under attack!

[Outside, the Brotherhood from the Future makes a comeback]

[Stay tuned for new developments for the next issue]

RECOMMENDED: 6/10

All-New X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis #26

Let's consider this issue as the calm before the storm because that's exactly what it is. Nothing of great importance really occurred in this issue; even its two key moments were kind of flat. That's the reason why I had to keep reading until I got to the next one which had more memorable moments in there and some useful plot progression.

Issue #26 serves as the aftermath of The Trial of Jean Grey which was pretty underwhelming already so having a follow-up didn't really interest me except the one about teen Scot who left the OCF so he can travel the stars with his estranged father. That was a blow to the morale. The issue started with Jean waking up from a nightmare fueled by Phoenix delirium because that's basically teen Jean's life right now: an awful travesty featuring a constant flow of mishaps, angst and unsolvable fuck-ups. So yeah, she's understandably gloomy once more. But hey, present-day Scott was there to console her. They had a nice chat about things although it was palpably awkward and tense. Of course it is. 

I actually loved this scene because Scott was calm, collected and understanding of teen Jean's struggle to look for some sort of solidarity outside of herself because even her mental status cannot be trusted. Grasping on straws, Jean Grey has certainly made any normal teenager's problems seem disrespectful compared to the colossal grievances and traumatic experiences she just had and will have as this series progresses into darker lanes. If I was there talking to her, I certainly would not have a goddamn clue what to say to make her feel better because I can't. There is just no way to sugarcoat how disastrous her life has become since she made the decision to stay here in this timeline...

...and god be wiling, she can't ever go back either, thanks to some time-space continuum shitfest that prevents her and the rest of the OCF to return to their timeline. Jesus fuck.

But matured Scott tries to be there for her in her moment of need right now which is more than I can say with teen Scott whom I'm relieved and thrilled to see be reunited with family even if it meant leaving Jean behind. But hey, she made him feel like he is not needed. In issue #22, he insisted that she opened up to him because they're friends and she shut him off even more forcefully than ever before. Young Scott has some self-respect so it's good on him that he made a decision that is uplifting to his sense of self-worth. I'm happy for his choice and if Jean is miserable now because she misses him and she regrets not holding onto him when she had the chance, then boo-freaking-hoo, Ms. Grey. That's what happens when you act like a martyr and then push away the people who care about you. One day you will push them hard enough that they don't come back.

So these two are having a nice platonic moment when Jean decided to make it...weird. She took Scott's hand (which is fine, it was pretty adorbs) and then she started saying...things that don't make sense to me as a reader who's been following her journey in ANXM, and as a fan of the character. Seriously, Bendis, your characterization of teen Jean is beginning to test my patience. Just look at this shite:

WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE EVER LOVING FUCK DO YOU MEAN, JEAN? 

The man you hoped he'd be? WHEN? HOW? WHY? WHUUUUUTTT??

This man murdered Professor X--your mentor--and you've been very angry about that since meeting him and reading his mind as he treated the murder ever so casually while also lusting over you at the same line of thought. And you threw him across the other side of the land just to get away from how disgusted he made you feel about him. And afterwards you never interacted with him. THIS is the first real conversation you ever had with him. So how, HOW IN THE HELL are you suddenly admiring the man he has become when the man he has become is such a shitty piece of asshole right now?! And why are you making this very first genuine moment of connection unnecessarily suggestive, baby girl? The man is in his late thirties or early forties and YOU'RE FREAKING SIXTEEN. Just...don't do that. Don't tempt him. You're a teenager! But does that also mean I have to overlook this because Jean's a teenager who is undergoing stress and feels alone and trapped? Her mild come-on for Scott has made me very uncomfortable. And maybe a teensy bit of a hypocrite? It's not like I never had experiences of heat and wanton craze when I was her age that I sorta tried to engage much older men in comforting me...well, TMI. Let's...back up for a sec there.

My personal life is not a need-to-know basis for you, guys, soo...

ANYWAY. I didn't screencap the next page because I was so weirded out that Scott even CONSIDERED FOR A MOMENT that they will hook up and be a couple. It lasted a second but he was so transparent. HE WANTED HER. Of course he did. I mean, sure, he eventually brushed off Jean by saying that they should never get together but it sounded as if he HAD CONTEMPLATED ABOUT IT. And I won't judge him too harshly on that because Jean is his first love and his first love is sitting across him ON HER BED, all vulnerable and wide-eyed and holding his hand, and of course he feels a pang of nostalgia and want and weakness. Thank freaking Loki he snapped out of it within seconds, or he and Kitty (who was just outside) will have a different conversation altogether:

Kitty: Goodness gracious, Scott. She's sixteen. You loved her way back but don't be a creeper for her young self now.

So other stuff happened. Like the one with Warren and Laura. X-23 decided to leave the bunker  for good now because Scott is gone and he was the only one she formed a  bond with and she genuinely liked his company (and may have even fallen in love with him if only he stuck around longer for her to start feeling that way). Warren was ineffective in convincing her to stay, and Bobby was a jerk that he doesn't even refer to her by name when talking about her among the other recruits. No wonder she left. Kitty was adamant to get her back but the moment she was about to deploy the OCF to search for her, Laura appeared, deeply wounded and bleeding from her encounter with a shapeshifter outside (who was totally Raze). And now the future Brotherhood of Mutants are BACK AGAIN...for some reason. Probably to kill them all.

Rest assured that all your questions will be answered in the next issue.

RECOMMENDED: 7/10

All-New X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis #25

Illustrated magnificently by David Marquez and several other artists, this 'monumental' issue featured a great roster from other collaborators whose short pieces in between were nicely done. Personally, the cover you see is probably my favorite illustration of the OCF yet. I currently have it as my tablet wallpaper. As for the content of the issue, narrative-wise, it was a needed contemplative break to put into perspective all the clusterfuck that happened especially in the light of the recent events from Battle of the Atom.

Finally, we get present-day Hank McCoy's perspective who is put on a spotlight as he tossed and turned one night in his bed, racked with guilt and dread yet still hoping things will work out for the best. The Watcher doesn't agree with him, though, and in a very Dickensian fashion, he walked him through the past, present and future events that had happened or will come to pass in connection to his reckless and selfish decision to time-travel the OCF in this timeline. What Hank gets a preview of is not at all pleasant, a tad heartbreaking and slightly unsettling in some areas.

After my previous critical review about The Trial of Jean Grey which was a crossover event with Guardians of the Galaxy, I've also begun to lose some steam for this title, and I'm only halfway through its ongoing roster. I just wasn't that into the Trial story arc because it was ultimately needless and bland, and I really wish Bendis would stop zeroing in on Jean Grey that much. It's time for the other members of the OCF to shine. This issue is the closest thing I have to the fulfillment of that wish because at least this story was not centered around Jean anymore. It encompassed everyone's concerns regarding the future of mutantkind as seen through the eyes of both Beast and the Watcher.

There were great notable illustrations and narrative boxes for this issue but I didn't feel like screencapping every page lest I spoil a lot of its hefty insights. I did, however, pick the ones that I liked the most which I consider to be both visually and substantially striking to read. Like this one, for example:

I loved this full-paged spread because it painfully captured the dream that the X-Men have longed for: to be accepted and celebrated as the heroes that they are. From this image, we see that humans are cheering them on, and there is no more anti-mutant sentiment. It was a stunningly moving illustration because it strongly represents situations and sentiments in real life where real people who belong in minorities and are heavily discriminated and mistreated have struggled and continue to struggle to this day in the hopes of being liberated and finally finding a place in society where they are equal to the majority and have the same rights. It echoes loud and clear the universal story about overcoming adversity, which the X-Men has always been about. The grueling and traumatic emotional journey mutants in general have gone through as fictionally depicted in the last 50 years of its comics run had been compelling because their fight reflected our fight against intolerance, ignorance and racial hatred, against religious persecution and overall stupidity of the sheep mentality of hate-mongers and hypocrites. The Watcher adds, "There are many futures in which that day has come to pass" and I teared up, I swear. 

Even typing that now has made me tear up all over again. At some point, I believe we have all felt like outcasts and outsiders. Society has made us freaks. We were bullied; stepped on; humiliated and hated on, for the simple, utterly moronic reason that we are different in race, economic status, religious allegiance than what the status quo dictates we should be. People who haven't experienced the pain and suffering of being marginalized as far as I'm concern are the ones who are the least open-minded and compassionate, and are so self-righteous and privileged that anyone who doesn't look or act like them have to be persecuted and dragged to the streets. It is true about what the Doctor from Doctor Who said that "Without the capacity for pain, we can't feel the hurt we inflict." And the X-Men have been through lots of baptisms of fire and they never always come out unscathed. And now the Watcher cautions Hank that perhaps the recent events and the next ones to come will be the greatest challenge that their kind will ever suffer yet again. And, it might just break them for good.

I don't want to talk about this anymore BECAUSE I'M BECOMING RATHER EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW. After reading this issue, I sat down in a corner and played Plain White T's melodramatic Someday song which captured the mood of Bendis' narrative here for issue #25. It wounded me and I'm so glad that we had these cutesy three stories in between that lessened the throbbing in my heart for a mild moment. My favorite had to be the progression of Kitty and Colossus' love story in X-Men which went on like this:

Thank you very much, I needed that. The issue ends with Beast trying to ask the Watcher's help but the latter shrugged him off but shared his personal opinion regarding what he thinks about Hank and it's not a pleasant one (and I sorta have to agree).

YIKES

The last panel featured Hank totally never going to be a peaceful sleep ever again. Poor guy but it's not like didn't deserve it. 

Behold the look of a tortured and haunted man

RECOMMENDED: 8/10

All-New X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis #22-24

[This review will include my very first set of criticisms concerning Bendis' ANXM]

After the overwhelming clusterfuck that was Battle of the Atom, I simply had no energy to spare to read and review another crossover with this title. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED BATTLE OF THE ATOM! It was superbly written in spite the parts that got me tangled up in a chaotic bundle of nerves, and even significantly weirded out. It's not a perfect or the most well-polished piece, true, but it had its awesome moments but I must admit that it had drained me profusely that I knew that when I heard about The Trial of Jean Grey, that I cannot withstand another crossover event. I prefer my All-New X-Men fluffy, a bit melodramatic and fun-times all around, thank you very much, and slices of grimy scenes here and there do give me a rush but I don't think I could ever enjoy it being smacked in the middle of big-event storylines like the recent Secret Wars, for example because--and I can't stress this more enough--I don't know enough about the Marvelverse to be enticed by its big, whopping moments. Lately I realized that there is a rich and diverse alien canon for Marvelverse which X-Men usually get a lot of collaborative plots with, but such stories are just not my cup of tea. I refrain from them as often as I could since much prefer Earth 616-based storylines for the time being and this  was why the premise for this arc (and the appearance and participation of the Guardians of the Galaxy) did not appeal to me at all. I don't think I have anything comprehensible to offer for this post as I type this, honestly.

Like most of the general audience, I loved the movie adaptation of this comic title starring Chris Pratt. It was probably the most enjoyable Marvel movie I have ever encountered that balanced humor, action and enough nuanced characterizations (though 'nuanced' would probably be considered too generous if you're actually reading the comic book versions; but my opinion is based solely on the fact that I only knew of the Guardians from their cinematic counterparts). It is no doubt a marketing strategy that Marvel executives asked Bendis to incorporate the Guardians in one of his stories for ANXM, and it's not a bad idea per se, but I just wasn't that crazy about it. This would explain why I decided to do a compact and singular review of the three ANXM issues that are included in The Trial of Jean Grey. Please take note that the other three installments were packaged in the actual Guardians of the Galaxy title, and I didn't waste my time trying to secure their copies and reading them; I simply just absorbed and comprehended the available material entailed in the ANXM issues.

Issues #22-24 for The Trial of Jean Grey had enough substance as standalones, but was ultimately forgettable and even gratingly lacked any sort of forward direction. The Shi'ar empire abducted the young Jean Grey so she could stand trial for what she had yet to commit as her adult self possessed by the Phoenix Force. Confused, pissed and scared to her wits, teenage Jean doesn't understand why she is paying for crimes that were never hers as of yet, and it angered and scarred her deeply that she was once again caught in the middle of something she has no other choice but to deal with. It's been an interesting parallel lately that Bendis has been sort of working on, to compare her slightly with that of Magneto. The very fact that the titular premise is a trial heralds back to that Chris Claremont issue in the late seventies that also placed a reformed Magneto in front of an international court to be tried by law and punished by its justice system. That was a compelling piece that I will always recommend for any Magneto fan to read, and I got the sense that perhaps Bendis was trying to recreate the same thing with this arc--but, I'm sorry to say, only halfway got there. There just wasn't enough investment on this current Jean Grey because she wasn't the Jean Grey we've all grown up with in the old continuity so caring about her at this point is based solely on the fact of the ideal and the past she represented as an X-Man and as a character whose basic internal conflict has always been her struggle with controlling her powers and not the other way around. Teen Jean has been lovely for me so far; and I'm so glad Bendis kept exploring her, giving her depth and insight, making readers care enough to root for her victory over all her enemies including her worst self.

That being said, she is not the same Jean Grey. She will never be and she doesn't have to be. And that was why the Shi'ar empire's plan to try her for crimes she has never committed has diminished the moral accusation of any sort of gravity because it is fundamentally a flawed condemnation. It was so irrational and stupid that I can't believe we got six issues out of it. I think Bendis did well enough to keep the story together but my god, this has been so meaningless and unfruitful. It also had to force someone who is exclusively reading ANXM to peruse the installments in the other title (which I did after all, but it didn't improve my experience). Overall, The Trial of Jean Grey was a half-baked attempt to place a uniquely damaged character like teen Jean in a spotlight she doesn't deserve standing on in the first place. I'm trying to establish some perspective about her entire characterization and her relation to the old Jean Grey I was always a big, die-hard fan of. On one hand, I love teen Jean in that nostalgic sort of way you would adore a girl-next-door for what she meant to you as an ideal; on the other I find her pitiful and underwhelming as a character altogether especially when Bendis can't stop making overt comparisons between her and the old Jean. Honestly, I was much happier and accepting of the future-Jean version she met in Battle of the Atom (whom I dubbed Xorn-Jean to avoid confusion) because that was the Jean she did grow up to be after choosing to stay in a timeline she should never have been a part of.

I wouldn't describe having a love-hate relationship with her but after reading this arc, I may have to re-calibrate and question my sense of loyalty to teen Jean. I think we have spent too much time on Jean. To break it down, here is a pie chart of how the writing and focus of the narrative for issues in AXMN have been poorly allocated among the five OCF and other characters:

Notice the discrepancy in the servings?

Yes, yes, yes, Jean Grey is awesome. I enjoy reading about her all the time. A lot of us find her breathlessly intriguing in whatever version she may be. But I would appreciate more page time to deal with Warren or Bobby's stuff. Heck, even Hank (whose future self is responsible for this whole clusterfuck anyway) doesn't get enough page time to reflect on his role. Ever since the first two volumes, Bendis has stopped exploring the other four characters and just zeroed in on young Jean which is great for feminist writing but I can't help but feel an imbalance on the overall quality of the work Bendis puts out for ANXM. I'm glad we get Jean in the X-Men comics continuity again after her death years ago but she's beginning to get the Wolverine Syndrome treatment and a little bit goes a long way, Bendis and co. 

The thing is, after The Trial of Jean Grey ended, teen Scott who was reunited with his father, Corsair, decided to travel the stars with him. That was a twist I did not expect and it was a great revelation but also quite a pitiful turn because now we have one less OCF member to explore. Scott was the near second OCF character to get enough page time to develop his arc, so I guess him being put on the sidelines meant more time for Bobby and Warren. I read ahead in #25 and #26 and Warren definitely got three or four more pages than his usual quota. Bobby--lovely, sweet and funny Robert--has to fucking stop with the comedic one-liners by now. He's more than just a supplier of punchlines, Bendis. In issue #18 we had these panels of him talking about his feelings and opinions about all has happened--and Bendis himself and the character he was talking to DISMISSED THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION! I didn't notice it at first but now that I revisted that part in issue #18, I realized that was a little cruel. Heck, at least Jeff Parker was able to balance each OCF in his issues, allowing them enough page time for readers to get to know more. If we can't sent these kids back to their own timeline anymore, we might as well make the most of that and develop not just Jean Grey but also the other boys, no? I'm very adamant about this, Mr. Bendis.

I sure hope that change is on the horizon. This is the very first time I complained about ANXM but it actually helped me put things in perspective after picking apart some of the stuff I was displeased with after consuming almost thirty issues of this (counting the crossover titles). This is also the first time I'm giving my lowest grade yet and this rating covers all three installments of The Trial of Jean Grey.

RECOMMENDED: 6/10

All-New X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis Volume 4

The fourth volume for Brian Michael Bendis' going-strong All-New X-Men is comprised of issues #18-21 which were the installments that dealt with the aftermath of the crossover event in Battle of the Atom. It also features the 50th anniversary Gold issue as a bonus material. Man, this volume is a lot more bipolar than the usual.

Kitty Pryde shockingly decided to leave the Jean Grey Institute of Higher Learning, turning her back on her long-time comrades (and surrogate parents) Ororo and Logan whom she felt betrayed by. I won't go into details; just know that her departure is rightly justified in a way. She then decided to join her best friend Illyana (Magik) who is a member of present-day Cyclops' Dream Team of Mutant Revolution (yes, I made a new pet name for it. DTMR. Shit, I gotta make a glossary of my made-up abbreviations some time). Now since Kitty is their Professor X for this timeline, the OCF felt the need to come with her since they don't feel like the rest of the current X-Men are accepting of them anyway. This is great news to Warren who was pleased that his friends finally saw some sense and now the five of them are complete once more.

I don't really believe Kitty agreed with Cyclops' vision since she has her own way of doing things but I like that they're able to be civil with each other. The man may have murdered Professor X (whose role Kitty has been filling lately for the teenage OCF), but Kitty does respect him and does not harbor bitter feelings towards him in the long run unlike Wolverine. I think Kitty wanted to let bygones be bygones and focus more on training her students who are counting on her guidance, and this characterization for Kitty Pryde in this series has most definitely endeared her to me. Since reading her character in action for the first time in X-Men Forever and then for Days of Future Past, I find Kitty to be one of the exceptionally likable and enjoyable X-characters out there. Her development, relationships with people, and principles always get me interested because they're well-written, and her role in this title is no exception.

In issues #19-20, the OCF went on their first mission to help a fellow mutant who is wandering around aimlessly and scared in the city. The issue opens with said mutant being harassed by the anti-mutant fanatics known collectively as the Purifiers whom everyone knows are the descendants of Reverend Stryker whose legacy of hatred and ignorance continues to spread even to this day. The OCF with Kitty and Magik arrived just in time to prevent yet another senseless hate crime, and we are treated to fabulous pages of fight scenes. 

In any case, I've enjoyed the confrontation between the OCF and the Purifiers. This is the first time the OCF have encountered them after all and I don't think they realize the gravity of this moment. After all, the OCF belong in the sixties, in an idyllic time where mutant discrimination isn't very rampant or blown out of disgusting proportions. Luckily enough, the goddamn Purifiers were more than enthralled to get the kids up to speed. These motherfuckers keep shouting out biblical scriptures as they murder in the name of God, hence also simultaneously making every Christian in the vicinity who is not a hatemonger feel like puking because now his or her own faith is associated with such stupid fanatics. The one thing so unforgivable about these Purifiers is how they twist the word of God to suit their inclusive views about race intolerance and self-entitlement, all the while considering themselves faithful servants of the Lord who, according to their delusions, hate the mutant race because they are unnatural abominations. "God did not create mutant" is the main idea to take away here. Yeah, that's very Christian. Please stop disguising your hatemongering with anything else but just that.

Issue #21 opens with a great callback to Chris Claremont's piece God Loves, Man Kills and the illustrations themselves seem to look exactly like the panels featured in the aforementioned storyline with a few touch-ups here. Anyway, I was no longer paying that much attention to whatever fucking delusion Stryker Jr. and his apostles are currently chewing on so reading this issue was a pain in the ass. Seeing my babies incapacitated was no treat, but time-dispelled Jean Grey is proving to be someone you should never fuck around with, and she is not thrilled about Stryker and the Purifiers at all. It just occurred to me that even her present-day adult version has never encountered the full force of the Purifiers (she was dead during God Loves, Man Kills) so it's noteworthy to see how she is reacting to all of this. 

And let me tell you, she might be one meltdown away from killing these motherfuckers. I wouldn't be oppose to it, but the truth is, what is chilling about her reaction so far is how...calculating they are. She doesn't get full-blown angry but rather quietly seething--which for me is a lot more dangerous than her nuclear meltdowns. It feels as if after meeting the woman she becomes in the future when she decided to stay in this timeline (I'm referring to Xorn-Jean Grey from Battle of the Atom), I think teen Jean is beginning to see her point of view or at least understand why future-her got to be so vengeful. She could feel the pressure of still turning into Xorn-Jean if she's not careful with how she's dealing with anti-mutant assholes at this point. I just get the sense that Jean is struggling internally, whether she's aware of it or not, to minimize her negative feelings toward that infuriating faction of the human race that desires to destroy the mutantkind. I guess, what I'm saying is, she might become the next Magneto if she's not too careful. Xorn-Jean from Battle of the Atom was certainly giving off that world-weary witness-to-atrocities vibes in same manner as classic Magneto. That should intrigue you, dear reader. It certainly had me thinking.

The Gold issue #1 aimed to showcase the best aspects that there is to love about the X-Men. The stories featured herein were written by Chris Claremont, Stan Lee, Louis Simonson, Roy Thomas, Len Wein and Fabien Nicieza. They have all contributed substantially enough in the X-Men universe way back so it was nice to read their material again albeit in the form of flash fictions. The five stories themselves were whimsical and kooky which is just the way I like them. Nothing too heavy but there is some lightness to be had particularly with that Stan Lee/Louis Simonson piece about the original X-Men and their very stilted sixties language that made me giggle non-stop because of how cheesy they used to sound like back then.

The longest story here had to be Claremont's Sentinels piece where we get to see the old-continuity X-Men before all the scary shit about mutant decimation occurred so it's pre-House of M era and we get fantastic character moments with Kitty Pryde and Rogue who had just become a part of the X-Men after being Mystique's sidekick for a while. Prof X and Scott are having happy times with their girlfriends here (alien empress Lilandra and Madelyn Pryor) while Nightcrawler is still very much alive (OH, I'VE MISSED YOU, ELF!). I hate anything with Sentinels but this story was acceptable enough. It was colorful and flashy and reminded you of the times when the X-Men can still enjoy themselves while doing good instead of worrying about their survival against hatemongering assholes like the current storylines we have now.

The other two pieces were delightful oneshots that feature the perspective of certain characters. The Roy Thomas one was about Banshee and Sunfire totally bro-ing it up with their little adventure. Meanwhile, Len Wein's Wolverine-focused piece was absolutely hilarious. The way that dude thinks can be so outrageous yet endearing all at once. Of course, the last piece of this issue was the only one that ended up unraveling me by the seams...then drove me bat-shit insane.

Yes, the greatest surprise in this issue for me was the fact that we even got a Professor X/Magneto story! And of course it was penned by Fabian Nicieza himself! If you don't know who this jerk is, then please refer to his nineties stories Fatal Attractions and Legion Quest which are both tales of Cherik-centered madness and shippy angstiness that would render any Charles/Erik shipper such as myself angry, tearful and comatosed because of Nicieza's paradoxical pleasurable and agonizing depiction of these two dorks' relationship.

Overall, the fourth volume All-Different was a great mixed bag worth chewing on.

RECOMMENDED: 8/10

X-Men Gold by Various Writers #1

In celebration of the 50 YEARS OF COMICS EXISTENCE FOR THE X-MEN, this Gold issue #1 aimed to showcase the best aspects that there is to love about the X-Men. The stories featured herein were written by Chris Claremont, Stan Lee, Louis Simonson, Roy Thomas, Len Wein and Fabien Nicieza. They have all contributed substantially enough in the X-Men universe way back so it was nice to read their material again albeit in the form of flash fictions. 

The five stories themselves were whimsical and kooky which is just the way I like them. Nothing too heavy but there is some lightness to be had particularly with that Stan Lee/Louis Simonson piece about the original X-Men and their very stilted sixties language that made me giggle non-stop because of how cheesy they used to sound like back then.

The longest story here had to be Claremont's Sentinels piece where we get to see the old-continuity X-Men before all the scary shit about mutant decimation occurred so it's pre-House of M era and we get fantastic character moments with Kitty Pryde and Rogue who had just become a part of the X-Men after being Mystique's sidekick for a while. Prof X and Scott are having happy times with their girlfriends here (alien empress Lilandra and Madelyn Pryor) while Nightcrawler is still very much alive (OH, I'VE MISSED YOU, ELF!). I hate anything with Sentinels but this story was acceptable enough. It was colorful and flashy and reminded you of the times when the X-Men can still enjoy themselves while doing good instead of worrying about their survival against hatemongering assholes like the current storylines we have now.

The other two pieces were delightful oneshots that feature the perspective of certain characters. The Roy Thomas one was about Banshee and Sunfire totally bro-ing it up with their little adventure. Meanwhile, Len Wein's Wolverine-focused piece was absolutely hilarious. The way that dude thinks can be so outrageous yet endearing all at once. Of course, the last piece of this issue was the only one that ended up unraveling me by the seams...then drove me bat-shit insane.

Yes, the greatest surprise in this issue for me was the fact that we even got a Professor X/Magneto story! And of course it was penned by Fabian Nicieza himself! If you don't know who this jerk is, then please refer to his nineties stories Fatal Attractions and Legion Quest which are both tales of Cherik-centered madness and shippy angstiness that would render any Charles/Erik shipper such as myself angry, tearful and comatosed because of Nicieza's paradoxical pleasurable and agonizing depiction of these two dorks' relationship.

I don't even know where to start so I'll just go ahead and stumble my way into reviewing this Cherik piece as sporadically and unapologetically crazy as I could and I don't care what y'all party-poopers have to say about it. Because, you fucks, I HAVE NOT CHERIK-ED FOR ALMOST THREE MONTHS NOW! This is my time in limelight epic slashiness again, okay? Now, what got the blood in my lady-boner richly flowing again was this amusing reference to the actual 2011 movie adaptation of X-Men: First Class starring the most orgasmic pairing of Charles and Erik ever conceived in cinematic form, as portrayed by James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender.

And just as I was just enjoying that throwback, panty-melting acknowledgment of the 2011 movie's concept where Charles and Erik put a stop to Cold War simply by the power of their intense eye-sexing and unmistakable subtext (my personal interpretation you don't have to validate at all), this FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK SHIT HAPPENS!

This fucking fuckity shit left me in a blind rage. I mean, the piece was only five pages short! AND IT WAS AN ECHO TO THAT FUCKING FATAL ATTRACTION STORYLINE after all! The concept behind this piece, I believe, is essentially an illusion leading to Professor X mind-wiping Magneto after Mags almost killed Wolverine in the most horrendous way possible. You can view that clusterfuck here. For a second I thought I was getting Magneto's 'grief piece' at last because Marvel hasn't addressed WHY MAGNETO SEEMED ENTIRELY DISMISSIVE OF THE FACT THAT CYCLOPS JUST MURDERED PROFESSOR X! I just don't understand why we never got to see him grieve in some Claremont-esque manner where he'll be drinking scotch as he morosely looks at pictures of Charles back in the good old days, monologue-ing about how they could have had it all, etc. That's been a canon-established characterization of him for years! 

Why can't you give me that back, Marvel, when I ask so little from you?! JERKS!!!

ANYWAY. Let's break down all their scenes and interpret the meanings of them, shall we? Or you can just scroll down and ignore me fangasming here. Either way, the deconstruction of Cherik is happening whether you are a willing participant or not!!

FIRST: We have this beautiful fantasy that Charles cultivated in Erik's mind for a while before he rendered him comatosed (how very cruel and affectionate all at once, Chuck). In this telepathic projection, we see Charles and Erik are united as partners and maybe even leaders of a new world, enjoying the fruits of their labor where mutant co-existence with humans was finally achieved. This scene of Charles fixing his tie in front of the mirror while scolding Erik for his bad behavior sounded to me like they are totes married now, living together like they did in Genosha, and are simply having married-couple conversation about the daily grind. That's how I interpreted it.

And then the husbands leave together from their idyllic home with a scenic view:

And just when I thought this was going to be a fluff piece, Logan started acting weird and grabbed Magnus who wasn't sure what was happening. But then Nicieza dropped the act abruptly and revealed that this was all a telepathic projection that Charles aimed at Magnus right before he severely mind-wiped him. Why did he do it? Well, Magnus just happened to RIP THE FUCKING ADAMANTIUM STEEL from Wolverine which explained why Logan was depicted with those weird things on his face and he looked to be in tremendous pain.

In a very Cherik manner of heartbreak, Charles holds Magnus close to him and says these tearful words:

...all the while Adele's Rolling in the Deep plays in the background. How many times have we seen a scene of the two of them in each other's arms, always breaking up or dying? As hurtful as it is, I'm going to miss them doing this signature scene, now that Professor X is presently deceased since 2012. That being said, Marvel, I would still like to ask you kindly....

...WHAT IN THE OBLIVIOUS SHITE IS THIS FROZEN STRAWBERRY FUCK-UP?

The floodgates are now open. I have buried Cherik like an unpleasant memory because I want to abstain from Cherikking at least until the next movie comes out next year but thanks to this Nicieza piece, I'm once again reminded how much I love these two jerkwads who just have the worst timing in the history of couples getting-together ever! GOD..FUCKING..DAMMIT..SHIT..CUNT...ASDFGHJKL!!!!

*incoherent, bile-inducing rage and meltdown*

I'm also re-reading Subtitulor's amazing fanfiction Nine Eleven Ten in the meantime. BECAUSE I'M A MASOCHIST.

RECOMMENDED: 8/10