Tuesday, February 17, 2015

X-Men Forever 2 by Chris Claremont issue #11-13 (2010)

Apparently, I missed the circulation of that damnable memo where we now officially refer to the turncloak Storm (who is also the queen of Wakanda) as "Perfect Storm". It honestly wouldn't surprise me if this version of Storm  was the one who approved such an airy and condescending reference to be attached to her namesake. I tell myself that I will no longer be shocked by the twists and turns this clusterfuck series seem to be fond of making every step of the way. I tell myself that its abhorrent unpredictability has become rather predictable now, and that nothing--absolutely nothing--can surprise me anymore. To me, X-Men Forever has questioned every kind of status quo in the X-universe and that alone says much because this is the motherfucking X-Men and no universe is more rampantly shifting and evolving than the X-Men's.

In XMF, they killed Wolverine, Beast and Tony Stark. They sent Professor X to some alien planet. They destroyed the Xavier Mansion in a way that it's constantly "phasing" between realities. They switched Rogue and Nightcrawler's powers. They gave Kitty Pryde an adamantium claw. They brought back the lame Sentinels. They turned the Avengers against the X-Men. They made Sabretooth and Mystique unlikely allies. They made the Silver Samurai join forces with Matsuo as Mariko Nashida joins forces with Sigrid Trask and the Consortium. BUT THE WORST OFFENSE of it all, in my humble opinion, is turning Storm into a fucking diva and a cunt who conspired against the X-Men as a double agent and then murdered one of her friends. Afterwards, she took over Wakanda by once again murdering a man she supposedly loved so she can rule in his stead. Now I love Ororo Munroe. She's my third ultimate favorite X-Men character next to Rogue and Jean Grey. What Claremont did to her for XMF has been gruesome and heartbreaking and I both dread and anticipate any update or progress concerning her story arc. Finally, we have arrived to these three critical issues that reveal the unusual circumstances surrounding the Perfect Storm and the teenage version of her who has been helping the X-Men for a while now, 'Ro. It was stated at first that 'Ro must be a clone of Storm's and this theory has never been fully explored in the subsequent issues after her appearance so I have no idea what to think about it....until now.

Previously, the Consortium, thanks to Mariko Nashida, was able to abduct 'Ro. Fortunately, she was rescued by the Ghost Panther (whose identity remains a mystery) while she was being flown to Wakanda. The X-Men are making plans to get her back while Mariko and Perfect Storm argue about who has the biggest vagina of bitch authority. P. Storm is not pleased that young 'Ro has escaped and she's determined to make anyone who is hiding her suffer. Meanwhile, the Ghost Panther takes her to Calisto and the Morlocks who seem to be working with Ghost. Both reassure 'Ro that she is well-protected and that they have no intention to harm her. I'm not going to discuss other details in a painful, talky manner because what matters now is the revelation by issue #12 which was Ghost Panther's real identity. While in the middle of yet another long-winding battle (which this time includes P. Storm), 'Ro was able to fight for her own freedom though she is greatly unmatched with the adult Storm's powers. Ghost Panther helps her by--literally shooting electricity that 'Ro can utilize. This caused Ghost's metal armor to malfunction, though. Curious, P. Storm decides to retreat, overcome by a feeling of foreboding upon witnessing what Ghost Panther had just done. 'Ro tries to help Ghost, and by this time she's definitely determined to find out who this person is. Ghost takes off the helmet and reveals that--SHE IS YET ANOTHER VERSION OF STORM! This was my reaction:

So I told myself that I wouldn't be surprised anymore but by the end of issue #11, I was really freaking out BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHY I KEEP SUBJECTING MYSELF TO THIS CLUSTERFUCK SHIT. AND EXPECT A DIFFERENT OUTCOME. This series gets me every time. I just let my guard down for a bit and boom! I'm mind-raped! Still, I also continue to shock myself with the amount of insanity and discord that I can handle every time I pick up an issue of XMF. Issue #13 was probably the most leisurely of the issues for the third and final volume collection. It took time to explain how Storm ended up getting fragmented into three separate beings in the first place. I could talk about it here but I don't want to rob you of the opportunity to peruse through the delicate madness of such a convoluted yet interesting backstory. Here's all you need to now: the Ghost Panther version is the energy of Storm with no physical form and it's actually Tony Stark who designed a steel armor that she can wear to maintain a semblance of tangibility. Meanwhile, 'Ro is the innocent aspect and the Perfect Storm--the vicious turncloak cunt who broke my heart--was a COPY-gone-wrong who can easily be re-programmed as long as you know how to calibrate her. So, yes. P. Storm is NOT THE REAL ORORO MUNROE. She's  just travesty wrapped in audacious queenly clothing and sporting an ugly face-scar. Oh god, don't even dare underestimate how relieved and giddy this makes me feel!

What I'm curious to find out next is how they will put the bitch down and infuse Energy Storm and Teenage 'Ro together because I assume that's what should happen, right? OH FUCK I'M GONNA HAVE TO KEEP READING. I'll finish this series tomorrow and then write reviews for volume 2 and 3. Then that's it. X-Men Forever and I are officially going to be over!


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