Friday, December 25, 2015

Wolverine and the X-Men by Jason Aaron issues #33-35

Okay, look here. See? This review will cover three issues but I'm going to be a cheapskate concerning the length since this isn't going to feature some long-ass discussion about every little thing that happened. About a good 70% of these combined three installments can be summarized easily and it won't even compose a paragraph. Also, I'd like to inform everyone that the next issues after these ones (#36-37) are crossovers with Battle of the Atom and I simply don't want to review that because I already have an official review of that story arc found HERE so check out that one instead. I don't want to relive BotA. It's a good story, that I can guarantee, but at this point I need some distance from it. So here in issues #33-35, we have the last three installments of The Hellfire Saga and it wasn't a bad way to end the confrontation between the main players; the good guys of the Jean Grey School and the bad guys of the Hellfire Academy. 

Here are the brief summaries of what happened for each issue:
  • Issue #33 had Idie Okonkwo, the young mutant student named Ova who can control temperatures and wield them as a weapon, monologuing about the education she has experienced so far about the Hellfire Academy. Her mindset about "kill or be killed", as well as her insistence towards the fact that she was basically raised and taught to be an unfeeling bitch is somewhat reminiscent of Warbird's own soliloquy Aaron wrote at least ten issues ago. Here she was invited by Kade Kilgore to become the Black Queen. She puts on the costume and demands that if she was ever going to be his girlfriend, she needs someone to kill Broo who has grown attached to her. This was all a ploy to know who shot Broo before, and silly Kade immediately cops to it, and now enraged, Idie was determined to kill him. Luckily (and I stress that because I ADORE KADE KILGORE AND Y'ALL NEED TO DEAL WITH IT), she was distracted when surveillance footage of the fights happening in the premises which is a live-feed in Kilgore's office showed Toad trying to appease his crazy girlfriend Husk who is literally choking him to death. He keeps saying that he loves her over and over. And Idie sees and hears this and sheds a tear. She leaves Kade unconscious and goes to Quentin to help him, having reached the grand epiphany that she wants to know how to love and be loved before she dies--and she's pretty sure she'll die young anyway so she might as well. It was a nice moment for the guilt-ridden, self-hating young lady. I'm proud of her.
  • Issue #34 is where most of the action sequences are. The JGS teachers finally found the Hellfire Academy (god, it took them awhile, didn't it?) and we readers were graced with images of Krakoa vs. another pile of Krakoas, plus Iceman as a frost giant that resembled a robot fighter from a Japanese anime. Kitty phases through the school grounds, determined to find the kids and bring them home. Storm, Rachel Grey, Beast and Wolverine handle most of the heavy work. Idie and Quentin share their second kiss during the battle. Broo attacks Kade and bites his shoulder and wouldn't let go and the rest of tween HC just looked on, completely devoid of any concern for their leader. Kade is delusional about his success and rule now at this point. His hubris is so beautiful and painful to watch for me. He asked for the Philistine to bring the Siege of Perilous (this mirror thing) and then he looked at the chaos surrounding him and declared victory because he had the X-Men right where he wanted them. His white king Manuel and black bishop Max don't share his vision and the issue ends with the two of them aiming guns at Kade's back, ready to kill him. 
  • Issue #35 concludes the saga. The turncloaks didn't get to kill Kade because their firearms are designed by Kilgore industries after all and Kade hunts these two down with the same weapons, shooting his way across the premises until he reached Quentin and Idie and had the Philistine capture them. Meanwhile, Toad still tries to get Husk to listen to him as he proceeded to tear through layers and layers of her facial skin. Ewww. Starblood also tried to escape with Broo so he can take him to outer space where said Broodling can eat other aliens. What a fucking jerk. Next, a surprising turn occurs when white queen Wilhemina (a crazy former beauty queen pageant who has the hots for Kade from the beginning) orders the Philistine to kill them all and not bother submitting them to the Siege of Perilous. The Philistine obliged and then pushed Wilhemina inside the mirror and she walked inside it willingly. Before she went, she iterates that Kade should have told her that she was pretty more often. The girl does look like a mini Emma Frost and a lot crazier. Kade was horrified to see the one girl who actually had feelings for him leave him there with his enemies. He was near tears and he wanted someone to hug him before he dies. He doesn't get that, of course, because he's a bad guy. Q punches him instead. Oh, my sweet baby boy, come to mommy and lemme pet you!
Shhhh...s'okay, Kade my babe, you're safe. Mommy's here...

On other more pleasant news, Broo tried to bite a Bamf while Starblood was about to take him away, and then he saw a vision of some caped dude, telling him to wake up. And he does! FUCKING ADORABLE BROO IS BACK AND EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OKAY NOW!

Rebel-at-heart Quentin Quire also realized he can be a good guy and still enjoy himself. He's got a girlfriend now so he can't complain. Meanwhile, when Wolverine tried to get his brother to stop being a bitch, Dog Logan instead jumped inside the siege, taking Kade with him. So my baby is trapped inside a magic mirror but I am not worried. That stupid Siege thing transforms people and gives them powers. I can only hope for the best! I bet Wilhemina, Kade and Dog Logan will be back one of these days. Kade my babe is broken now but he's a resourceful fucker and I know this wouldn't be the last time we will see him! He's meant for greatness, okay?! On other more exciting news:

That mysterious caped stranger surrounded by Bamfs is no other than KURT WAGNER A.K.A NIGHTCRAWLER, RIGHT?! It has to be! I know my sweet elf can't stay dead any longer! He's too much of a fan-favorite! PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS TRUE! I WANT HIM BACK! You took Kade away so this is the least you could do, Aaron! PLEEEEEASE!
Genki anime girl concurs!~


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