Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Wolverine and the X-Men by Jason Aaron issues #7-8

It's true--there is never a boring moment whenever I read issues for Wolverine and the X-Men. Everything about the stories I was served with so far feels both personal and eventful. It's personal because I always care about every character's welfare, and even laugh along with their jokes that can be both clever and awkward. It's eventful because tons of shit go down where survival is the most urgent goal, and this is most certainly true for Kitty Pryde who has been infested/impregnated by microscopic Brood who are rudely breeding in her uterus (yes, ewwwww does not even cover it), and so the miniaturized Beast, Iceman and Rachel Grey have to go inside Kitty's body to they fight their way through the Brood hatchlings. Bad news, though: new student Kid Gladiator tagged along (to clear up the rumors about losing to white blood cells last issue) so Warbird, his long-suffering bodyguard, was also there but she was unable to keep K.G's transformation into a Brood. 

And so here we are at issues #7-8. Alongside K.G's Brood new look, we have a preggers-in-appearance Kitty Pryde trying to protect her student Broo, a charming and eloquent Brood who isn't a bloodthirsty carnivore that wants to eat or impregnate everyone. As it turned out, an alien scientist was the one who injected Kitty with the tiny Broodlings so she will be a distraction for the rest of the X-Men to focus on while he, the scientist, is busy killing poor Broo, and all because Broo is an evolutionary anomaly. According to the jerkface scientist, the universe has a stable status quo concerning the food chain and Broo's existence negates its effectiveness. A Brood, after all, is a mindless killer who preys on other species and the fact that Broo is now some bashful, erudite nerd who is always so sweet and proper is simply antagonizing the rigid belief system that the universe has been operating on for zillion and zillions of...FUCKS I DON'T CARE ABOUT! Leave Broo alone! He's adorable and deserves to make his own destiny! So as this asshole close-minded scientist tries to kill Broo, the miniaturized faculty of the Jean Grey school try to eliminate Broodlings as much as possible without rupturing Kitty's uterus. Good times--especially for Warbird who has been so coquettish with Iceman in the manner as Castiel-esque as possible. Here is her enchanting pick-up line:

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Planet Sin, an outer space casino, Headmaster Logan and Quentin Quire are fighting their way through casino guards with their loot, and they escape just fine because they're goddamn Wolverine and Kid Omega after all! Unfortunately, the house always wins, and they send a 'thing' that managed to break down Wolverine's legs in an atomic level. Meaning, his adamantium steel-lined legs were twisted beyond recognition and now he can walk. Well, he did want to become the new Professor X--you know what, that's a joke made in poor taste. Forget I typed that. Quentin rushes to get them back home to Earth as safely as he could manage.

Back on Earth: Kitty was helped by the BAMFs which are essentially dwarf versions of Nightcrawler who can also teleport. They're cuties. I suppose they are named after the sound they make in comics whenever they teleport but everyone knows that BAMF also stands for BADASS MOTHERFUCKERS so it's a fitting name. Alien asshole scientist bitch-slaps Kitty into almost oblivion just as Beast was so close to doing something about the hatchlings infestations inside her body. Seeing his beloved teacher bloodied and hurt all because some jerk was trying to get to him made adorable Broo see red and his Brood mode kicked in and he LITERALLY STARTED TRYING TO EAT THE FACE OF THE SCIENTIST in a glorious display of macabre. In the end, S.W.O.R.D came in to arrest the perpetrator scientist and Kitty was pumped full of penicillin to get rid of the hatchlings in her system. She breaks down in tears, though, because she realized that she would rather have Brood filth in her uterus than an actual baby of hers, indicating that she's not ready to grow up. I'm sorry, kitten, but motherhood is not some end-all sign of maturity and adulthood, okay? Lots of proud and independent women are secure being childless so calm yo self! 

Well, she's definitely vulnerable because she kissed Iceman in desperation, much to Warbird's annoyance and the rest of S.W.O.R.D operatives' discomfort. Too bad Bobby Drake will come out gay AND NOT BISEXUAL WHICH MAKES MORE SENSE DAMMIT later in Bendis' run. So, enjoy it while it lasts, Kitty. The downside of issue #7 was for Broo. It turns out that he is a rabid killer underneath all his propriety and intelligence, which the alien jerkface scientist was gleeful to conclude. So he doesn't feel the need to exterminate Broo anymore because Broo will always be a Brood and sooner or later he will switch back to his primitive, bloodthirsty ways :(

And the school doesn't need to worry about money problems. Their lawn Krakoa can GROW DIAMONDS ON TREES!

Issue #8 gives us Wolverine in a wheelchair still trying to get back to his normal routine of being a teacher. But his entire class skipped the period. Meanwhile, Kade Kilgore is being mentored by Sabretooth and he instructed the Hellfire Club brat king to figure out the heart of the Jean Grey School if he wants to defeat the X-Men. So the kids skipped class because Warren a.k.a Angel wants to prove something. He has been damaged so badly that he literally believes he's an angel. He takes his classmates to Planet Sin and they all get to beat up the thugs who tried to kill Logan and Q last time. Kid Gladiator, however, was bored. He was looking for stronger opponents. Some jerk punched him hard on the face, much to the dismay of meek, introverted Genesis. The jerk made the mistake of trash-talking Kansas in front of Genesis, the place I assume was his home sweet home. Angered by that, he blasted the fucker off on the spot, simultaneously changing K.G's opinion about his weak prowess. Angel also got to bond with Genesis since they both are trying to establish an identity for themselves. Both are lost souls who struggle to fit in and belong. The biggest and bittersweet irony of it is that the only reason why Angel ended up like this (with his angel wings shredded and his mind wonky) was because of Apocalypse---and Genesis is a clone of Apocalypse, grown from a lab. So...they end up friends here, neither of them knowing they were already so viciously tied together in the past. This is a truth bomb just ticking away...

In other news: Sabretooth almost kills Beast's girlfriend Abigail of S.W.O.R.D and Hank was just not happy about that and proves to Sabretooth that you don't mess with the Beast. He is more heart than guts but you can never underestimate the heart. As Angel showed Logan once they returned back to school, a heart has faith and imagination. It turns out that Angel retrieved the weapon which crippled Wolverine so that they can figure out how to restore his legs. It was very touching! </3

But Kade Kilgore also just figured out the heart of the school and now gets ready to attack...

GOSH DARN IT, this is such a spectacular and badass series! I never found anything dull or obligatory about reading or reviewing each issue at all! There are so many wonderful small moments to talk about, and every character is meaningful and sympathetic in their own right! I LOVE THIS SERIES! I WANT TO MARRY IT! CAN I PLEASE WALK IT DOWN THE ISLE NOW AND PUT A RING ON ITS FINGER?


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