Thursday, October 15, 2015

The Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon #21-22

Elation. Trepidation. Nausea. Liberation. Damnation. All wrapped up in a tight bun that is me after I finished reading the third and fourth installments of Unstoppable. Stephen Colbert himself captures all of these feelings in this singular gesture demonstrated below:

I hardly remember my comic-book reading life before The Astonishing X-Men. My September pick was Brian Michael Bendis' forty-one issues of All-New X-Men and I remember falling in love with that once but the truth is all I could recall more clearly is how I fell out of love with that series. I never expected things to get better since then because I was sorely let down. And then this happens to me. Whedon and his AXM happens to me. And now Bendis' ANXM is nothing but a fading memory next to what Joss Whedon has accomplished here in The Astonishing X-Men. I don't ever remember feeling this intellectually stimulated and emotionally rewarded before. And I feel sick. I feel like ugly-crying.

Tobey Maguire would have been proud

Don't worry. I promise to keep it together until the end of this review. It'll be tough for me but I'll get through it. 


I've been combining reviews for two issues in one post and it's been a great way to discuss certain plot points and character developments back-to-back especially when they are intrinsically inseparable from each other. Instead of wasting time summarizing every scene that happened for both installments, I'll simply talk about the highlights and touch briefly upon the main plot which I still do not care about because the truth for the matter is that PLENTY OF OTHER INTERESTING THINGS are happening around it. And here they are:


Where do I even start and end with these two kids? The constant push-and-pull between these two lovers is akin to Gossip Girl's Chuck and Blair. One issue they're reunited poignantly; the next they're awkward around each other; then lovey-dovey and sexy times commence; then sad realizations occur that puts them in the verge of a break-up; and then they get stuck somewhere and have to deal with each other; then sexy times happen again; then more sad realizations. You know what, just look at their notable interactions in these two issues and judge for yourself how agonizingly sweet and sad everything about their unstable relationship has been:

A couple of scenes later...


While Kitty and Peter are angst-ing away together, Emma is angst-ing by herself, far too selfish to carry the load of her previously believed unrequited feelings for Scott. The two were also stranded together in Breakworld, fighting their way through the shit and scum thrown their way. Here they are with their backs on each other, trying to have a normal, adult conversation about their feelings and whatnot. Emma refuses to apologize and Scott is livid. And yet, for some reason, he admits that he has truly fallen for her. I mean, what the hell?! She broke you down and repressed your mutant powers. She made you face your cowardice and insecurities about being a mutant, an X-Man and a leader. She tore you right at the soul and core of your inadequacies and limitations...and YOU FALL THE FUCK IN LOVE WITH HER, SLIM? It''s....BLOODY BRILLIANT, that's what it is! I will always adore the childhood-sweethearts that were Scott and Jean together (especially their OCF counterparts in X-Men: First Class and the All-New X-Men comic books), but Emma and Scott together is proving to be volatile, wickedly sexy and breathtakingly raw and vulnerable together!! Just look at this shit:

And how does Emma react to this confession? She asked for Danger TO KILL HER ON THE SPOT.

WOULD YOU LET YOURSELF BE LOVED, EMMA FROST, FOR FUCK'S SAKE?! Take a look at your Once Upon A Time counterpart who is also named Emma and is just as guarded as you. She certainly stopped bullshitting around her love interest and finally owned up to how she felt about him. Instead of standing there as Scott almost lay dead, asking for some AI to murder you, you should have just grabbed Scott and kissed him out of his damn mind. Like this, you stupid bitch:



I still don't care about what happens to Breakworld but then this lady shows up and has a different way of looking at the prophecy. I instantly warmed up to her, especially when you compare her to the masculine assholes who all have such raging hard-ons for intergalactic nuclear war that they are mere savages whose extinction will not even make me blink once it happens. That being said, I want her and the rest of her followers to survive when this story ends. The rest of the patriarchal, chauvinistic, war-mongering population of this planet can go ahead and suck it. There is a villain in this story whose name I don't even care enough to learn and properly spell here in my review. It's Kruunun-something-fucker. I don't know, fuck him. Let's read the passages of this benevolent, wise lady instead:


So, Danger. How you been, old girl? Still spiteful and bitter. Nope, not really buying it. I knew you weren't so bad. She sided with Kruunnunnn-something-fucker in the earlier pages of issue #21, promising to deliver him the X-Men since she knows how to defeat them. But when faced with the prospect of killing Emma, she couldn't do it. And Emma's reasoning for it was...pretty moving. 


I already said in my previous post than I'm okay with Special Agent Brand now although she does have to work on her manners.

Beast shames her with that remark

That being said, she has a good point in the next panels concerning Lockheed's involvement and how we should treat alien species with dignity and respect. The bitch may be as cold as Emma at times, but she's not heartless. She's just really dedicated with her job that she comes off dismissive and a hardass. In any case, I know there's a softie underneath that gruff. Hopefully, Whedon will show us that in the later installments. For now, I'm cool with Brand. She just needs to act like a human being and less of a severe fix-it control freak.

The rest of the story is about the Breakworld preparing their nuclear forces to annihilate Earth/capture Colossus/overthrow Kruunuun-fucker/whatever the hell it takes to keep this story going so it can provide me with more emotionally meaningful moments among characters. I'm looking forward to Wolverine/Hisako scenes next. That's mostly what happened here in the third and fourth parts of Unstoppable. Whew! I managed to keep it together after all. Did I miss anything...? Oh wait... does issue #22 ends, pray tell? Oh, that's right. I rememeber now:  SCOTT DIES.

I'm not going to start jumping into conclusions again (like that time when I thought Emma stabbed him with the mutant cure, remember that, folks? I was deadly wrong with that). However, I AM GOING TO OVERREACT AS IF IT'S REALLY THE END OF HIS LIFE AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE I'MA START UGLY-CRYING AS SOON AS THIS SENTENCE IS OVER!!!



No comments:

Post a Comment