Monday, June 8, 2015

X-Men: First Class by Jeff Parker Vol. 2 issue #2

After finishing this outstanding first part of a two-parter story, all I could think to myself is that, "Huh, perhaps the X-Men should get stranded in a horrific island more", which would be an awful thing to say to any group of people under normal circumstances (unless they happen to be the Lost flight survivors because them fuckers in that purgatory island have sure produced four seasons not even counting the last two final seasons of compelling drama). But I think that casual comment can also be excusable for the X-Men in this issue because the second installment of the Volume 2 series entitled Island X had been
exciting and very funny at the same time.

I really almost thought they were in Savage Land and I have such fond memories of that wicked place because that's where Professor X and Magneto had their abduction/date courtesy of Sinister (as featured in the nineties cartoon AND IT WAS GLORIOUSLY HILARIOUS). This story almost resembles the tonality of that said episode, only this time even scarier and just plain bizarre creatures roamed around this weird-ass place. It started when Professor X "head-called" the fivesome to navigate this unnamed island somewhere. Without question, the youngsters obeyed and started on the quest. Said quest, apparently, involved getting nearly stomped by ugly, ferocious giants, scared shitless by GODDAMN FLYING MONKEYS (much to Bobby's horror), almost get eaten by a tree that can imitate the human voice and has fangs; AND THEN almost get their blood sucked on by vicious butterflies that just started attacking them while they managed to take a break from the running and not-dying to eat their packed sandwiches.

So yes, it's no shocker that from what I described, that everything about this story was RIDICULOUS and yet strangely engrossing all the same. Professor X's very brief telepathic conversations with them were weird too; it's as if he is purposefully being evasive and neglectful (which, to be fair, is his standard shtick but after the eighth issue from Volume 1 which featured him hugging it out with his students, I was surprised that he still seemed rather distant after that). Furthermore, there are so many quotable zingers for this issue that almost made me laugh aloud while reading (but I couldn't because I was at work). Here are some of those juicy exchanges:

Angel: Those bats look kind of chubby.
Beast: Perhaps they're fruit bats.
Angel: *genuinely curious* Does fruit make you chubby?

Angel: They're FLYING MONKEYS!
Marvel Girl: NOT IN MY HAIR! *starts running away ahead from the group*
Iceman: Frostbite! And tell the Wicked Witch I've got a water bucket with her name on it. That's right, childhood trauma! This ain't little Bobby in his underoos. You're dealing with the Iceman now!

Angel: You mean all these things could be mutants?
Beast: Exactly. What if a charged meteorite landed here years ago, influencing the gene pool?
Iceman: Or what if an atom in my hand is a tiny planet and the earth is just an atom in a bigger guy's hand? I mean, whoa.
Marvel Girl: Bobby, if you don't have anything to offer, I've got a can of shut up here in the pack.

BUT MY FAVORITE MOMENT was when Scott, who has been reticent about all of this, FINALLY LOSES IT AND BLAMES XAVIER.

But that's just the icing on the cake because:

Think again,  Bobby.


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