Tuesday, September 22, 2015

All-New X-Men by Brian Michael Bendis #31-32

Artist Stuart Immonen gets replaced by Mahmud Asrar for issues #31-32 and I would have enjoyed his illustrations more if it wasn't for the simple, undeniable fact that I'M LEARNING TO CARE LESS AND LESS ABOUT THIS SERIES at this point. That makes me very sad because I love the OCF. I love what has been done to this series so far until it hit the 26th issue mark and the rest that followed made me so angry over the little things that I took small breaks in between just to get cheered up by homoerotic fanfiction from various fandoms. When that didn't work, I got around to watching Netflix's Daredevil and that became my salvation in the end. And then I had to go back and read the rest of the issues for this title again and I literally DIDN'T WANT TO, and that again made me sad and angry but I just decided to suck it up and deliver a cohesive review afterwards because I'm nothing if not consistent in fulfilling my self-imposed tortureobligation.

My growing apathy and lethargy for this title has unfortunately prompted me to write only a single review for two issues because (1) I've done the same thing with some issues for X-Men Forever back in February-March to compartmentalize certain arcs where nothing happens that much; (2) I can't force myself to write about an issue where nothing substantial really happens and drag it out just for the sake of quantity of words and length; (3) I need to watch the last five episodes of Daredevil right after this and that for me right now is the most important thing in the world (that, my fixation on Reeve Carney, and readings of Gensomaden Saiyuki fanfiction as well as re-watch of its anime episodes). Look, I have a busy routine divided evenly between work and play and I've given enough of my time reviewing Bendis' ANXM over the last three weeks and right now I'm becoming disappointed about its slow progress. So fuck it, let's keep this short.

Previously in ANXM: Storm, Beast (and another mutant who I just forgot and I am too tired to look through my last review to double-check his/her identity) picked up Kitty, Cyclops, Emma and Illyana from their not-so-secret-anymore-bunker/school-with-an-ironic-mocking-name, because they're about to uncover the last will and testament of the late Charles Xavier (who, if y'all still care and remember and I hope so because he had a bastard son who came back from the future just to remind us about it for the last three fucking issues) has been brutally and mercilessly murdered by a Phoenix-possessed Scott Summers because--if you're going to kill your father figure--you might as well have a cosmic excuse about it. Putting that aside, Cyke still got invited to the reading of the will which was nice, I guess. Wolverine is probably not happy to see his jerk face again, though. And Kitty--who basically called it quits with Storm and Wolverine back in Battle of the Atom because she felt that they betrayed her trust--would be put in yet another awkward position being in the same room with the said betrayers. But hey, it couldn't possibly be more awkward than dating the dimension-hopping Peter Quill...as a goddamn hologram. So yeah, Kitty will be fine. She's going to see her ex Bobby a.k.a the Iceman though but Kitty is a big girl now. This storyline occurs in an Uncanny X-Men issue which is a title I have yet to read for now so let's leave it at that. I'm definitely looking forward to that issue once I start reading UXM.

I'm also going to assume that Magneto was already at the Jean Grey Institute, possibly quivering in anticipation to hear something from Charles Xavier again. I don't know. I sure hope he attends BECAUSE GODDAMMIT MARVEL HE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SIGNIFICANT OTHER IN XAVIER'S LIFE! HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION IN THE LAST THREE DECADES OR SO?!

With the adults gone, the kids are left to their own devices. It's irresponsible in a way but who gives a fuck; they've neglected honoring and grieving Xavier properly so they might as well listen to his last will and testament. Fuck the kids. They'll be all right as long as they stay in the bunker. AND OF COURSE THEY DON'T, especially the OCF. I mean, Warren and Laura from issue #30 just went out on a date together without any permission so they can cut loose, kick some ass in some club and then presumably fucked each other good for the rest of the night. Really, adults? That alone wasn't enough to call into question the assurance you have for leaving the kids by themselves? You know what, I don't even care anymore. WankersOn the upside, we got two pages of Warren and Hank having a conversation about the present predicament they are facing and how they feel about it. The last time we saw them interacting and having a heart-to-heart was in issue #8, I think. That's how long ago it was. Do any of you know why? Oh, that's right. BECAUSE JEAN GREY IS THIS COMIC BOOK'S VERSION OF HUGH JACKMAN AS WOLVERINE IN THE GODDAMN MOVIE ADAPTATIONS. Thank fuck that she's not the focus of this arc...for now. I have a distinct feeling Bendis will find a way to push her into the center stage somehow.

A cerebro alert updated them to the whereabouts of a new mutant who just unlocked her powers whilst taking a class picture in the middle of the afternoon. It's like having your period at a social event---sucks donkey balls. Anyway, her powers have something to do with dimension-traveling which is bad for the OCF. It's bad because the girl is scared, awkward and distrustful of these bunch of teen mutants just dropping out of nowhere, trying to convince her to go with them. It's bad because the OCF are clearly inexperienced about it and they have no adult like their Professor Kitty to guide them with how to handle this situation. It became worse when the police arrived at the scene which caused panic with the young mutant who cannot control her powers yet and accidentally zapped Jean, Laura, Warren, Hank and Bobby to unknown places, separate from each other and devoid of any familiar acquaintance. Now the five of them are lost in their own personal hell.

Warren is in Savage Land, Bobby is in an underground place getting attacked by mole-looking people, Hank is in Latveria with Doctor Doom, Laura is...in a soccer field and in a car chase with the police...and Jean lands in a different Earth with a different New York City with a different Spider-Man. The Ultimate kind, Miles Morales. I'm not sure where Laura is but I think she's going to be just fine. What I do worry about are Hank with Doom, Warren in the dinosaur-infested Savage Land which is a generally weird-ass place, and Bobby who is presently getting overpowered by mole people. No comedic quips and one-liners from him this time, and that absolutely terrifies me!

Oh, and am I worried about Jean Grey? She got to bond with Miles Morales who took her to a scientist who dismissively informed her that she doesn't have the right equipment to build a machine capable of sending Jeanie back to her own Earth. It might even take months or years so the scientist advised her to get used to her surroundings because she might be stranded there for a while.

Is it terrible of me to kinda-sorta wish that she stays there for a long time, at least until we get ten more issues of the series without her being the center of attention, or at best, until we get Scott back in the shuffle? It's an intriguing annd seductive notion, no?

Enjoy your forced sabbatical, Jeannie!~


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